How do you trust your partner again? Can it ever be possible? Or will you always worry and constantly be waiting for the other shoe to drop?
Trusting again is entirely possible. You can, and you should, trust the one you are planning on spending the rest of your life with. If you can’t trust them, you’ll end up exhausted from the constant anxiety that they will disappoint you again.
So how do you get to a place where you can relax in peace and finally trust the one who has hurt you and lied to you about their drinking, drug use, cheating, or pornography?
You watch, you don’t listen. You open your eyes and you close your ears.
This disease knows how to say exactly what will help it get away with anything. It knows your buttons and just the right one to push to get you to deny your gut or make you believe that you’re crazy and there is nothing to be upset about.
Don’t allow someone to make you feel guilty for not trusting right out rehab. I think that’s almost impossible. There hasn’t been enough time loving you in the real world to gain trust.
But you’re a smart woman. And you can sense when something is wrong. Don’t be manipulated.
I could always tell just from the way he said “hello” when he had been drinking. My stomach would just feel like it was being punched. My throat would sometimes close up or my heart would sink.
So from now on, next time he promises that he won’t drink anymore, don’t listen. Wait and watch to see if his actions line up with that.
If he says he isn’t going to go to the bar after work, ignore it. And wait to see what he actually does after work.
What about the computer screen that he looks at late at night that he swears will never show pictures or videos of naked women again? Nod your head, but let his promises pass right through you. And see if he sneaks into the office again.
Now let’s be super clear about something: I’m not giving you permission to wait around the house and monitor his behavior. That wouldn’t be healthy, would it?
I am saying stop paying attention to the words from someone who has a history of lying to you.
Don’t hang onto his promises and get your heart broken because you believed him.
Wait to see what his actions prove.
I spoke to a woman whose husband is making it very easy for her to trust him again. He comes home clean and sober when he says he’s going to be home.
Her husband makes attending his meetings the biggest priority in his life. He chooses not to miss one no matter what comes up.
He is so passionate about his sobriety that he is choosing to mentor young men.
That is an example of a man who is working hard to regain his wife’s trust. And it’s working. Because he’s consistent. He has not had six relapses in six weeks.
Trust only works with consistency and time. If he’s relapsed, give yourself permission to relapse with your trust.
If you haven’t joined us in one of our programs and you want to find answers, hope, and happiness, what are you waiting for? Click here to check out the details. Our programs are offered for just $25 a month. If your partner is spending money on their bad habits, making an investment in your family’s future is a more valuable choice, don’t you think?