Our community in the Secret Facebook Group has some of the most loving and thoughtful women I know. Every time I read their posts I am blown away by their wisdom.
Every now and then I like to share a question one of the women asked the group because I think a lot of us can relate.
If you would like to become a member of our private and confidential community, it comes free when you join one of our programs. You can check the programs out here.
Today, we’re going to be discussing pornography addiction. And before I get to the question, I want to make it clear that this is an embarrassing topic to discuss, but I can’t tell you how common pornography is in the world of addiction. It’s a multi-billion dollar industry that is quietly taking over the lives of millions of people.
If the one you love is watching pornography on a regular basis, you’re not alone. Many of us can relate.
Pornography is never okay when two people are in a committed relationship and addiction is involved. I teach healthy boundaries around pornography in the Love Over Boundaries program.
Now, let’s get to our question from our brave sister in the Secret Facebook Group:
(Privacy is our biggest priority. We will never share names in our group.)
“I just found out my husband is a porn addict. He attends church and says he’s a Christian. He’s apologized to me, but I feel so weak and angry. I just want to hide.”
Can you relate to some of this?
First, I think it’s important to note that we have many women of all different faiths (or no faith at all) in our community. We love and accept everyone and we don’t judge.
But if we are going to talk about people in the church who drink, use drugs, gamble, or watch porn, I think it’s important to note a few things:
- Everyone is welcome to church. Especially the broken. Jesus loves sinners. He even selected some of them to be his best friends. Matthew was a thief, Paul was a murderer, and Judas was ultimately responsible for his crucifixion. Christians can be some of the most messed up people (I consider myself one of them), but I don’t think that makes us hypocrites. Christianity isn’t about perfection. It was created for the broken.
- What makes you a hypocrite when you attend church is when you lie about your struggles and pretend that everything’s okay. And can’t we all relate to that? I pretended my marriage was perfect for 10 years – meanwhile, it was hanging on by a thread. And that brings me to my next point.
- We must stop being afraid to talk about addiction. It’s up to us to speak out against the stigma of this disease. We need to give it a voice. To raise our hands and say, “Me, too. This is going on in my house and I need some support.” It’s up to us, my sisters, to say it loud and clear and demand that people listen. We have nothing to be ashamed of. This disease happens to good marriages and good people. You did nothing to deserve the treatment you’re getting.
We must stop feeling ashamed of our loved one’s struggles and we must stop thinking that we had something to do with their issues. They could be with you or not and they would still be battling this disease.
We are a community, a sisterhood, and we are in this together.
We are a community, a sisterhood, and we are in this together. Each of us can make a huge difference in this dark world of addiction. One of the ways you can help is to mentor other women who are struggling with loving someone who is addicted.