Do you know the story of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde? I’m sure you do.
Let’s be real with each other. It’s hard to keep up with all the different ways your loved one treats you, isn’t it?
You might have a tender moment in the car and reach for their hand and you remember why you fell in love with them in the first place.
They might be funny and cracking you up when you both are standing at the kitchen counter talking about your day.
Or you might share a thoughtful and romantic moment that gives you the deep sense of connection that has been missing for awhile.
These are the moments of light in times of darkness. These are the glimmers of hope when we feel defeated.
Moments like the examples above are when their behavior comes from a place of truth. This is who God made them – a good loving person – and this is how your relationship was intended to feel like.
But then, as we are holding our heads up to the light and beginning to trust again… that hope fades and we are left in darkness.
Our broken hearts have to learn one more time how to handle heartbreak. Because the one we love is replaced with darkness. They have faded into the background and we are left loving an unwelcomed version of them.
The addiction masks them like a cloak, and our happy, productive, romantic partner is replaced with a hurtful, distant, insulting, worst version of themselves.
Let’s just state the obvious: it’s not fair. But addiction never promised to be fair, did it?
Addiction doesn’t know about respect or compromising. Addiction doesn’t listen – it takes. It’s selfish.
If you can untangle the person you love into two separate beings, lots of good things can happen.
You will find your power and control. Because the next time they become distant or rude, you can say to yourself, “That’s the addiction. It’s not personal. It’s a disease. I did nothing to justify this behavior.“
And when you see a true glimpse of the one you love who is kind and responsible, you can enjoy and savor them with the realistic expectation that they will not stay like this forever (unless, of course, they are sober and getting weekly help).
If you choose to stay or leave them, making peace that the one you love is struggling with two versions of themselves will help you turn anger into compassion.
You will be able to reach a point of empathy because when they lash out or reject you, you’re not taking it personally.
You can say to yourself (or out loud),
“I am an intelligent, sober woman and this is just the addiction talking. I don’t listen or believe anything that comes from addiction because I know it’s a selfish liar who is out to deceive me, and I am too smart and strong to fall for it.”
This is how you handle someone who is struggling with staying consistently loving and thoughtful because they are addicted to drug, alcohol, pornography, or sex.
You are a strong woman, and you have found a sisterhood that believes in you.
Together, we are here for one another, sharing the issues that no one talks about. We will not be ashamed and we refuse to just sit and accept that we won’t feel happiness and joy until they choose to get sober.
We are not powerless over this disease. And if you want to see real change in your life – now’s the time to join our programs. We will welcome you with open arms. Privacy is our biggest priority and no childcare is necessary. Do them online, at your own pace, and have lifetime access. We hope to meet you inside the program.