Love Over Addiction Podcast with Mary

Hey there, today we are going to be talking to Mary. Mary is remarried to a man named Rick who is fighting for his sobriety and winning! What I love about Mary’s story is how she’s learning to trust Rick again.

 

A lot of us think that if the ones we love just got sober, the trust should automatically come back. And then we beat ourselves up when we’re still waiting for the other shoe to drop. Our anxiety still stays which is why I am constantly telling you: just like your loved one needs a program to learn how to get sober, we also need a program to help them and help ourselves recover from the damage addiction causes relationships. If we really want a relationship breakthrough, two people need to heal in the relationship— not just one.

 

So take a listen to Mary’s story, and enjoy learning what it looks like when someone really wants to get sober.

 

Michelle: Thank you again so much for agreeing to talk with me. I’m so grateful.

 

Mary: You’re welcome

 

M: The first question I always love to ask is how did you meet your husband, and when did you know that he might have an issue? When did you start to notice red flags about his drinking?

 

Ma: Well, actually I met my husband in high school. We dated in high school for a couple of years, and of course, we fell madly in love at 17 and 18. We went to college— he’s a year older that I am, and I went out with someone. I don’t even remember his name, and who knows why, but Rick found out, it broke his heart, and he broke up with me.

So I was crushed, broken-hearted bla de bla, and I left the college that I was attending that he was attending also, and we kind of moved on. We heard from each other once in awhile. I never knew that he always felt we would get back together. He never shared that with me. He shared that with my parents.  My mother and his mother remained lifelong friends until they both passed away. So I always knew about him my whole life.

I married someone else, and he married someone else. I think 27 years for him, 30 years for me, and in 2006, I was leaving my former life. He was also an alcoholic in a much different way, and I just decided that was long enough. Probably at least 15 years too long, but I finally decided it was time to go, so I did. Rick called me to tell me that his mother was in a rehab facility.

Normally my mother would have told me, but she had already passed away, and he knew I’d want to know which is true. So I went to visit her, and he walked in the door. It sounds pretty stupid for people who are— let’s see how old was I in 2006? I guess in 2006 I was 51, I guess— whatever, I can’t do the math. I was born in 1955. We just did that cartoon dog eye ridiculous thing. I was already leaving my life, and we met and had a drink, and he said a drink, that was all. He said that he was going to be leaving his, as he had two daughters like 15 and 17, and it just ended up that we both got divorced and lived together for a couple years.

Then, the two of us got married which was a lifelong silly lovey dream of both of ours— not silly because I always truly loved him, and I still do. We drank when we got together. I’ve been a social drinker. My parents were social drinkers, and Rick really was a social drinker. We’d go out with friends, and everything was fine. In 2011— I believe we got married in 2009— in 2011, it turned out looking bad.

He had what would be called a psychotic event, and he thought he had parasites. He went to a parasitologist, and it’s a huge long story, but he did not. Rick ended up at a psychologist— he’s a tough guy, you know, a handsome, strapping, strong guy, and he was like, “heck I believe that.” I mean, why would anybody say I feel this stuff crawling in me if it wasn’t happening, and he believed that as well, so he went to a psychiatrist, got some meds, started to do better in that regard, but then more open drinking of mixed drinks in the house.

He used to drink just beer and then, let’s see, I’m losing track of everything. In 2013, I had noticed things. It seemed like he was drinking. Sounded kind of weird, but I didn’t want to believe it. We ended up in a really bad accident during the daytime. Rick had been drinking and dumped us in a ditch with his big truck, and I think that’s what saved us.

He went to a rehab facility then— actually went to jail for four days because he was driving under the influence and went to a rehab facility, came home, and it was after that that he seemed ok for a while. But totally against AA. He could do it, I don’t remember what the name of the program was that he was in, but that’s when I started noticing him trying to hide drinks in his office.

We have a big building on our property, and he has an office there. That’s where everything he did happened. At first, when he was drinking, and I would catch him with a drink and a vat sitting down in a file cabinet drawer, I would say, “what is this?” He would say, “Coke,” and I would taste it— and I’m sure you’ve heard the story. “Well, it doesn’t taste like coke to me,” “Well, it is,” and that was the shocker.

The very first time, whenever that was, he actually just looked at me and lied. And I’m doubting my sanity. It’s like, really? It tastes like booze to me. And at one point I even drove down the road here and had his friend taste one, bless his heart, and he said, “I don’t know what it is, but it’s not coke.” And then Rick lied to him, his best friend in his whole life. “There’s no booze in there, I don’t know how it would have gotten in,” I mean, just the whole story.

That went on and on until this spring. And I just don’t know, I don’t know how long. I must be a slow learner. I taught special ed for 32 years, so maybe this rubbed off on me. But finally, I said, “lies, lies, I’m done with lies.” So he went to live at his mother’s for a couple of weeks. She was still alive but was not living in her home.

My sister came to visit me, and he wasn’t answering phone calls. Long story short, we went over, he opened the door for us, and he looked ridiculously horrible. He agreed for us to take him to a rehab facility in Indianapolis which he was in from April until the end of May. I think he went down on April fools day which was pretty significant, I guess. But he’s doing— so far so good. That’s it in a pretty brief nutshell. If you want to ask questions about any of it.

 

M: Let’s go deeper. So he’s been home since May. And he is sober now?

 

Ma: Yes

 

M: And he went to a rehab facility. Where was his rehab facility located?

 

Ma: It’s called Fairbanks, and it’s in Indianapolis, Indiana. Very wonderful facility. I was very impressed— the no BS kind of stuff and lots of requirements. He actually opted— I wanted him to do this, but I wasn’t sure he would. When I went down for a family visit— it’s about two hours from here— it was going to be time for the intensive outpatient program, and there was one locally, but I was hoping he would stay there.

He had been very intensive— inpatient is the detox part. They have apartments where people live, and Rick was living there. For the intensive outpatient, he opted, and I was happy to stay there for six more weeks. So he lived an apartment associated with the facility for an additional six weeks and did the intensive outpatient and then various AA programs associated with the facility.

 

M: Yeah, I have heard that, and research has shown, that a 30-day program is best to— let’s just say the longer the rehab, the better the chance of sobriety.

 

MA: Right, right.

 

M: And also the aftercare is super important. The sober living is really important as well. It helps them adjust back to reality but not quite there yet. You’ll have that accountability. I’ve heard that Increases greatly their success.

 

Ma: This rehab helped him in terms of he was in the apartments and probably the program as well a pretty wide-ranging program from. Not altogether, but it has a program for teenagers and has a high school there for them to attend high school and then the program Rick was in. He was probably one of the older people. He was 63, and I think as he went along in the program and finally embraced AA which some people say is great, some people don’t, but I think for him it was a good and thing.

Rick seemed to become a bit of a mentor for some of the younger guys that shared the apartment with him. And he’s kept in touch with them he went to an AA meeting there in Indianapolis every morning and ended up with two of the younger guys that would go with him. He went back down after he was done to get his 90-day sobriety token, or whatever it is, for that particular AA meeting that he had been going to. He’d gotten his 30, 60, and he wanted to get the 90 day there which I thought that meant a lot that he wanted to drive all the way back down there. I mean it’s not hours, but it’s not next door.

So over this period of time, I actually embraced the time I was by myself. I’m retired, but I still do a lot of things in the educational field. Not so much in the summer obviously, but I enjoyed it, and I think that might not even sound that great, but it was good for both of us to have that time away. I’m pretty good now with the trust. That’s pretty much back. I never thought it would be, but it is. I think that’s one of the hardest things of all of this; not being able to trust someone and that you never in your life you know— if I had a million dollars, I would never, ever, EVER doubt that  Rick would never lie to me ever.

And that’s the one thing that a lot people that I’ve read on the Facebook site is just mind-boggling because you doubt your own sanity. Truly. I’m not stupid. I’m not the smartest person on the planet, but I was naive I guess in thinking that anyone that loved me would lie to me. If I’ve got a little time to think of one and if it has to be a white lie, I can do it, but if you put me on the spot and ask me anything and I have to lie or think I might lie, I can’t do it. It doesn’t make me better than anyone else. I just can’t, so to think that someone could in that regard just is mind-boggling to me.

 

M: How do you think you got back to that place of trust?

 

Ma: I think the place of trust, being able to trust him has come back really slowly, but started over the time he was in the Fairbanks program. Part of that is that when he started in the six weeks intensive outpatient that’s only— it was Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday, and so the people that are down there either have to have jobs or volunteer or whatever. And so the first week of that, Rick— we have a friend that lives nearby, and she’s a single mom and always needs help and can’t afford to do anything, so he did things for her.

Then, the last five weeks of that time— his mother actually died the day that he started the intensive outpatient. She was 99 years old and had gone into the hospital. He came home that weekend. My sister was here, and neither one of us wanted to come home after the detox thing. And I thought, I don’t know why he’s coming home. I didn’t want him to come home. I didn’t have any idea what he was doing. But he came home to discuss it with us, and he went back that Monday morning. His mother died early on in the morning. Before we made it there, her brother, his uncle, actually died as well. His mother was 99, and his uncle was 85, but they both died the same day. And he kept going, so that right there gave me hope that he really was serious about this.

When he was in the intensive outpatient after that first week since his mother’s home— it had started before she passed away to have an auction there of everything. She collected antique cars and, oh my god, 60 years of stuff in a 100-year-old barn, and a house with a basement. Just think about it and multiply times 100, and that’s what was there. So he was allowed to come home Thursday afternoons after class, and he had to be back by Monday morning at 9. So he would usually leave Sunday afternoon, and he did that for five of those six weeks.

I think that helped me believe in him. He had a great counselor there on different levels of care, and this guy would set up goals for him. He’d come home those days, and he would have goals that he would need to work on. He would have AA meetings that he would need to show he attended.

One of my biggest triggers would be him being in his office because everything he’s done over the last many years, it’s always happened right there. So I have had horrible the building’s fine. The office could have blown off the face of the earth, and I wouldn’t have cared. So we talked about what he would do if he went in there and how little time he’d try to spend there. So all that kind of planning helped that process, and I think that helped.

You said that research shows that the sober living is a helpful thing for the person who’s trying to hold onto sobriety. I think that plus his being able to come home with these— not really contracts but I’ll use that word— helped us become, me more than him, ok with the whole situation and believe that it was real.

 

M: I love what you just shared because I think that’s so important. What you’re talking about is: you gained trust with him because of his actions, not his words.

 

Ma: Yes. Why would I believe his words? Because everything that’s been coming out of his mouth was a big fat lie. So it was all his actions, and it still is.

 

M: And I think that’s the key for how we become insane or start to think that we’re crazy. We start with believing the word, and then we buy into that, and then we go— you just said earlier “his words are telling me that this is coke, but in my head I know, and in my heart and in my stomach, I know that this is is not coke.”

So the action showed you, but where the trust comes in— you finally got to a place of trust with him because everything that you were hearing lined up with everything that he was doing. And that’s incredibly important and healing for you. Which is great. I mean, well done to him. When I hear this story, I do not think that this is common behavior, so for him, I think that is amazing.

You were married for to a man who was an alcoholic. The first marriage. And then you married another alcoholic. You said they were different. So different ways they were alcoholics. How were they different?

 

Ma: Dave, my first husband, drank as well. We were all 21 or whatever we were, but as the years went by— I would say that 15-year mark, Dave got really weird. I just kind of got paranoid maybe. And he gained weight and gained weight and gained weight, and he would sit in the evening and drink Jim Beam on the rocks and pass out in his chair. It got to the point where he was hauled off to the emergency room.

Honestly, I had no idea how much he would consume which seems so ridiculous, but I did not. I wasn’t the booze police, and I didn’t watch what he did. I think I usually went to bed before he did. Him asleep in his chair didn’t mean a whole lot. The time he woke up in the night and fell in the bathroom and was caught between the toilet and the tub, and I thought he had a stroke. They dragged him off to the emergency room, and he had a .5 alcohol blood content. He ended up in an outpatient facility locally and did the whole deal. He did stop drinking for probably the last eight years of our marriage.

But then he was doing other things that I wasn’t aware of until I finally left which is probably borderline porn and gambling on the internet. He is a CPA, so duh, Mary, he signed all the checks, and my money just went into the checking account, and he was spending lots of money off a home equity loan line of credit on gambling and whatever he was doing. So that’s the way I say they’re different. I really don’t think Rick will ever drink again, unless something horrible happened to me. I just can’t see it.

 

M: Well that must be a very good feeling.

 

Ma: Yeah it is. Now, I guess we’ve morphed into the stages— like when my sister was here, and we took him down there, I was looking at townhouses and condominiums. I mean that I had plan B, and it’s still there. Plan B is still in my head. I had everything— I guess it’s because I’m a retired teacher. You’re always a teacher— everything organized in my mind. Health insurance— because I have my health insurance through him. I was looking at townhomes, looking at condos, all that stuff while he was gone. And I told him when he came home a couple of weekends, “I have a plan b. There’s not going to be another rehab. I’m not threatening, I am absolutely not. I want you to know that plan B will happen if you drink again.”

 

M: Typically when I talk to women who have been married twice, and both of the men tend to be alcoholics, I can see a pattern. I can see some patterns there that started before even their relation you know even they meet their first husbands.

Do you feel like there is any kind of pattern in your life where you—

 

Ma: No, I don’t. My parents were social drinkers. They had a Manhattan in the evening. I really hardly ever drank anything. I’m not going to say I’ve never been drunk, because yes, I have been. But alcohol means nothing to me, and the times I’ve had headaches have been certainly not worth it. But Rick and I— it just sounds like a ridiculous— like, “Oh, gee wiz, you’ve got to be kidding. You’re old geezers,” or whatever. But it had nothing to do with looking for some kind of an alcoholic. We loved each other forever and knew about one another forever. After my mother died which was three years before I left my first life, he would call me about two times a year and just check in because he didn’t hear about me from my mother anymore.

It was so weird when it would be him— and thank God it just seemed to happen that Dave wasn’t around. My heart would thump and that ridiculous stuff, and I was like, “oh my god!” because he’s got a really low voice. There’s no way you don’t know who it is. So we always had some kind of connection, and once we got back together, our thinking was that we were meant to be together. I’ve been on a roller coaster of emotions throughout all of this, but my thoughts changed from we were meant to be together to we were meant to see if we could be together and stay together. We’re still in that process. More me than him. He would never think that this could end, and it still could.

 

M: That’s really interesting. I really think that’s key too. I think there’s a part of— look, I’m not doubting for any minute, and I don’t think it’s crazy that you had deep feelings for this man all of your adult life. And then when you see him, trust me, I understand that. What’s interesting though is that agreeing to be with someone when you’ve already been hurt and wounded so badly the first time, and then going into it and knowing– your eyes are wide open.

You got burned once. I think you kind of have to say, “I understand what I’m getting into. I understand the pain or the suffering that’s going to come with this now,” and still choosing to go, “ I’m going to stick by him. I’m going to agree to marry him. I’m going to commit to him.” So I think it’s very interesting when you talk about hey I’d did go— because he left his wife for you, right?

 

Ma: Right. Supposedly his deal was that he said when we met that the first couple times we met and had a drink. He said, “I have a two-year plan.” He was very unhappy and after us getting together and talking with his family members, he was. His plan was to wait until his daughter, who had another year in high school, graduated from high school, and then he was leaving. He did leave sooner because his wife found out that we had seen one another, and so she said adios to him. So his two-year plan got moved up, or his year plan got moved up a bit.

 

M: Looking back from your first relationship to your second relationship— I love that we spent so much time talking about your two husbands and their personal growth, and I really appreciate you being strong enough to say, “Hey I have a plan b, and I’m not afraid to do that.” That is brilliant. Looking back and reflecting on yourself, where has your growth been in all of this?  Because I am sure that it wasn’t just Rick going to rehab that changed things around.

Was there growth for you personally where you took self-inventory and said, “there might be some things that I need to reevaluate, or I need to look at a little bit deeper and harder with myself.”? Was there any of that?

 

Ma: Yeah, and I have to tell you that a big part of starting that was your Love Over Addiction program.

 

Ma: I went to Al-Anon when my sister was still here. We went to two Al-Anon meetings, and I ended up in a group. I’ve been two years before I went. I have nothing against any one of them, but I just didn’t fit. This one I thought fit, so I went back twice after my sister left, and the group got bigger and bigger. There were more and more people. It had a core group of people that seem to run it, and that’s fine. They all got what they needed out of it, but I got nothing out of it. I’m not even sure how I found you. I really don’t remember. I do that a lot on the internet, so I found you, and I thought, wow this is interesting.

So I did your course very quickly because that’s how I do stuff. It didn’t take me whatever, and that’s either good or bad. I don’t know. But then I love the Facebook page as well. So doing the program and hearing some of the other people share things helped me look at myself a little bit differently and helped me know: number one, I’ve always known I can take care of myself. My mother was almost a single mother because my dad was gone all week long as a salesman, so I always had this work ethic that I could take care of myself. And even married to Dave, I knew, even though it took me for freakin’ ever, that I made enough money— I had enough that I could take care of myself.

So I think your program, plus Rick physically not being here, was a huge thing for me. For me to tell him to leave— and he was gone for two weeks, and then we took him to the rehab place— was big, and it just made me realize that at age 62, I’m fine. I’m fine without him. I’m fine without anybody really. I needed to re-confirm that or re-affirm that I can do anything I want to do. And I don’t need him here to do that. I think your program was the catalyst and then ran with that from there.

I have things I do personally that I enjoy, and so I took more time to do those things— like not exercising so much, I’ve always exercised like walking, and I play the flute in a band locally— a concert band. Those things I was able to enjoy more and realize how important they were to me. I felt before like if Rick was around, I needed to be near him. Not to watch him, not to guard him. It’s weird. If I wanted to spend time with him, I had to squeeze myself into his schedule.

He’s a retired heavy equipment mechanic, so he’s always busy fixing things. He needs to be busy. That’s his thing. He’s retired too, and I think that also contributed to the alcohol issue. So he’s been busy. They’re taking down his mother’s barn. It sold to someone, so that’s something he continues to do because this man needs more help. So he needs to be busy. I need to be busy, and all of this has helped me know I can be busy without Rick. I don’t have to be a part of Rick’s busy, if that makes any sense.

 

M: That’s not weird. That makes such sense. And I think that is amazingly huge. Amazingly huge.

 

Ma: It’s hard! It was really hard because I was like, well if I don’t go out there and do this, I won’t see him until whenever. All of that changed through morphing of your program, me, friends whatever, through this time period. I’m ok with him not being here. We have only a couple of boundaries that we’ve kept which is: if he’s here at 5 o’clock, if he’s in his building, he comes home,  50 feet across the driveway. And and we’re done with the building for the evening. That’s probably the only boundary that I have to have.

Other than that, I help him if I want to. I’ve been over at his mother’s because it’s an antique barn. It’s fascinating the things we’ve found in there. So that’s been fun. But I don’t have to stand outside and sweat to death and help him pound on some fence post or whatever the heck. He can do that himself. So that’s kind of— oh, my god I’ve worked like a mule since we built this place. It’s like holy crap, no wonder I have arthritis in my fingers. Geez, Louise!

 

M: But I love that image. I love that because it’s so true. I think I’m laughing because I can relate to that, and I know so many women who— we put ourselves in situations that are so miserable or uncomfortable, or we don’t want to be there. We don’t want to be doing this stuff, but we’re doing it because we feel like we have to or because we want to control them or we feel guilty.

 

Ma: Keep an eye on them.

 

M: Yeah, keep an eye on them. You’re right, that’s the perfect word to use which is liberating. It’s liberating when you can just wipe your hands clean and walk away and go, I don’t need to do this. This is crazy. I can spend my time on so many other more wonderful things that I find enjoyable.

 

Ma: You talked about that in the beginning of the program, and I thought, there’s no way, pardon me, in hell that I am ever going to be able to feel like that. This is not going to happen. I can’t say when exactly or how— like I told you the various things. A combination of all of those things and time has helped me do that. Us going forward— I love Rick. He’s a wonderful person, and this stage of our reconnection is just trusting one another and spending time together. But for that true love, blow my eyeballs out of my head feeling that I had for all my life and when we met again, that isn’t there any longer.

And so it will need to be a different kind of love. I’m not exactly sure what that will be. I’m willing to take this low and slow and see how this continues to change. But in terms of him pulling in the driveway and me having my heart jump out of my chest— that doesn’t happen your whole life. Whether you’re married happily or not, it’s not there. I’m happy to see him, but it’s not like, “oh yay, he’s home!” I don’t feel that way anymore.

 

M: Right. Well, I’m madly in love with my second husband who is a wonderful guy and the best. And I love him every day more. I feel like I love him more. But the love is so much deeper. It’s like it’s more mature love, and I think that’s what you are talking about. It’s not a puppy dog, immature, teenager love. It’s deeper.

It’s about building roots, and your love for that person just becomes— it goes to your soul. It’s appreciating them in a new way where it’s safe. When I look at my husband now, I feel a sense of safety that I didn’t feel when we first started the marriage. Because you’re still going, is this really going to work? I think also when you get divorced, you have that thought lingering in your head where you are— I know for me I was one foot in with him, but I had that one foot out.

 

Ma: In a tennis shoe ready to run?

 

M: Yeah. And that’s gone now. After a time, that’s gone, and now I have both feet solidly in the home. I think that evolves with time and trust and the love that you’re talking about that you’re now entering. One of the things that I think is so wonderful about your story is that— and something that I really respect is that you are choosing to stay. I think a lot of women really want to get to the place that you are at. Where their husbands, through their actions, have shown you and shown themselves that they are truly committed to their recovery.

I’m not sensing from you a very false sense of hope. You’ve become so wise in this experience that you are sitting here going, “I don’t think that he is ever going to drink again, but if he does, it’s ok. I’m going to be ok. And for today, I’m choosing to stay. I’m choosing to love him. I’m choosing to be committed.” I think that’s beautiful. What a safe, wonderful place for you to be where you feel like you have options and you’re not reacting out of fear.

 

Ma: Thank you for saying that because that was very fearful. But I’m not fearful now. I would be very sad if it all crumbles apart. I’m 62 years old, and I don’t know how much longer I have but hopefully quite a while. I won’t allow anyone to put me in that position again. I won’t allow myself to let someone put me in that position. A lot of the things that you said and mentioned in your blogs and your program is not that they did it, but I allowed that to happen. And that puts it in a totally different perspective. It’s not his fault. It’s me. I know he’s the one who has the problem, and I allowed him to drag me into it. I won’t allow that anymore, and I understand that now which I did not understand before.

 

M: I’m so proud of you. I’d give you a big high five if we were in the same room. I think that is really wonderful. I love what you said about how it was a combination of all the things— and thank you for giving me and the group credit. And I appreciate that, but I also think that you were willing to do the work. There are a lot of women who— not a lot, but there are some that join this program and make the initial purchase but then put it to the side and don’t listen to it. Or they’ll only go into the facebook group to ask questions but they won’t—

 

Ma: Complain?

 

M: Yeah, and I’m trying very hard to stop that. But here’s the deal: It takes a very determined, ambitious, and special kind of woman to be willing to go, “I have some more work to do too. This isn’t just about him going off to someplace that— he’s in rehab and now the work is done.” You can’t get to this place that you’re at without doing your own rehab.

 

Ma: When I first started the program and reading the stuff and deciding to purchase it and then becoming part of it, I didn’t see how any of that could be. Honestly. It’s like, oh, come on. But your blogs were very real and very connectable. I could connect with what you were saying. Even though it wasn’t always the same situation, because everybody’s situation is different, but humanity and the human being is still the same. I think it just has to happen. I don’t know.

Like I said, I can’t say what did it, because when I first read it, it sounded wonderful and I thought, oh man, this is great. I’m not going to do— nothing against Al-Anon, but for me, it just wasn’t it. But yours was more to the point, and I could relate, and that was cool. Like I said, I can’t say how it happened. And I can’t say that I studied and studied. I read every single section and did every single thing and answered every single question, but I did not go back and reread. I printed a lot of it and saved it in a folder so I could refer to it at another time, but I didn’t bash myself to death with studying or re-reading the stuff.

 

M: You’re not giving yourself credit. I’m just going to stop you right here. I’m not saying that you need to sleep with this next to your bed. I think that’s the beauty of the program. I hope that’s the way I wrote it. Where you don’t have to sit there and beat yourself on the head with it. It’s not that complicated. It’s not rocket science.

 

Ma: No, it’s not.

 

M: If you’re really direct and you get to the point, and you give manageable tools, and you say, “Hey, if you do this, this will happen.” Or, “Have you considered this?” This is a different way of looking at it. I’m a busy mom. At the time I was writing this, I had six very young kids, and I’m sitting here going, I know women these days are super, super busy. They just want answers. These women don’t need a lot of self-help fluff or pity me shenanigans. They just need ‘Let’s do this. Let’s do it and let’s talk about it and let’s move on. And so I think you’re not giving yourself enough credit. You read, you filled out, and you listened, and I’m proud of you. I’m so proud of you.

 

Ma: Well, thank you.

 

M: I really think that you are the model for what can happen to not only you, but also your husband. I’m really excited about his future. And  I’m really impressed with his commitment.  I’m really encouraged by it. I know a whole lot of other women will be too.

 

Wasn’t that just the best? I love stories with happy endings. I have never met Rick, but man, I am so proud of him. What a wonderful guy who is clearly fighting for his sobriety. Such an inspiration. And another thing I love about Mary is that she has her eyes wide open. She wants to stay with her husband and learn to trust him again, but she has a plan B. She doesn’t have her head in the sand, and you can tell she’s done the work, so she feels she has a choice.

 

Don’t you love how each one of these stories is totally different? It shows me that no matter where we live or our age, we are all bonded together by this disease. And that, my friends, is one of the many blessings of loving someone suffering from addiction or alcoholism.

 

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