Hey there, it’s Michelle Lisa Anderson. Thank you so much for listening to me today. I am so grateful that you are. I know I tell you this all the time, but I adore you, and I am honored that you are making space and time in your life.
Oprah has a podcast called Super Soul Sunday, and if you have not started listening to it, that is the next podcast after this that you need to listen to because it is amazing. And in the opening line of her podcast, she refers to, “giving yourself time is the greatest gift that you can give yourself.”
I think that is so true. You’re making time for yourself by doing this. Hopefully, you’ve joined one of our programs at LoveOverAddiction.com, and you are making time for yourself to do the program every day. I love you, and that is your loving, loving, loving reminder to please, please do the work.
We offer a secret Facebook group for women who have joined the program. I think it’s filled with over 1000 women right now. We have over 132 different countries all over the world who are with us. The Facebook group is a wonderful tool, and I love popping in there and seeing what you are all talking about and how you are all encouraging each other.
But there is something that is disturbing me. And I’m going to be real and honest with you today, okay? I used to do this, too, so there’s no judgment. We are using the word “crazy” so much in this Facebook group. And my beef with that is that you guys keep calling yourselves crazy. You keep saying, “I am going crazy. I am driving myself crazy. This is crazy.” Here’s the deal:
Addiction tries to make us believe that we’re crazy— that it’s us. It’s our fault. It tries to mess with our head.
But That is not true; you are not crazy. There’s nothing about you that’s crazy. You’re the least crazy thing in this situation. You’re the rational one. You’re the convicted one. You’re the one in the relationship that actually has and knows what’s healthy and what’s not— what’s acceptable and not. There’s nothing crazy about you.
You might feel like the situation is crazy when you love somebody struggling with addiction. And the truth is: it is. The situation is nuts. I mean, let’s be honest, right? It’s not like loving somebody normal. And not like people suffering from addiction are not normal, we love them, there’s no judgment on them, but it is far from normal. When somebody comes into a relationship that chooses drugs and alcohol or pornography or gambling or sex over us all the time, that’s crazy.
They make decisions that are unhealthy— that are not okay. That’s crazy. So fine, use the work crazy all you want to. I’m not going to make a big deal about it. I just want to protect you and defend you because you’re not the crazy one. Please don’t use that to describe yourself, my friend. You are sane. You are loving. You’re doing your best.
Today I was on a run—and I’m going to say this to you, but when I say it out loud to you, I know I’m probably going to be held accountable for this. I’m thinking very seriously about signing up for a marathon. Now let’s be really, really clear. I cannot run a mile. Well, I can run a mile. It’s like, a 12-minute mile, which probably you can walk. I’m not sure, but I think you can. I’m not a runner. I am not one of those ladies that get out there and just whips out four miles or eight miles or whatever. I want to die when I’m running.
The first 20 seconds of running, I feel like I can conquer the world.
I feel like I got this. I put on my music, or I put on my podcast, and I’m rocking out for about 20 seconds. Thirty to forty seconds into this, I think, “I don’t remember it being this tiring last time I did this. Maybe I’m getting sick. Maybe I’m getting the flu, or maybe I didn’t sleep well enough.” And by second 55, I’m like, “I’m going to die. It’s over for me. There’s no point in continuing. I just need to turn this into a walk and surrender the dream.”
That’s what’s going on in my head when I run. For all of you women out there that run, I am in awe of you. And I know you’re out there. We have some health coaches out there. My hat goes off to you. You are incredible. I don’t know how you do it. I’d love to know the secret. So please, email me. But it has been on my dream board, and you all know how much I love my dream boards. You know how important they are to our recovery and healing.
If you don’t, please sign up for the Love Over Addiction program at LoveOverAddiction.com because we cover dream boards in great detail, and I have an awesome story in there about that.
I have on my dream board—I’m looking at it right now— a picture of a woman. I think it’s actually a gum ad that I got out of a magazine. And I don’t know why. I don’t even think it’s safe to run with gum. But it’s a picture of a woman who’s really proud of herself for running a marathon. She’s got those numbers on her tank top, and she looks— actually, now that I’m looking at her, she doesn’t even look sweaty. She looks very cute, so that’s not real, right— gum and no sweat?
Regardless, I really didn’t think that picture through. Anyway, it is on my dream board, and I have always wanted to run a marathon. This morning I was running, and, like I just said, I was dying, near death, and I live on this very busy street. What I would do is say, “Okay, Michelle, just make it to that really tall tan apartment complex.
Just make it to that, and then you can stop. Just try to do that. It’s okay if you don’t but just try.”
I promise this does have to do with you and your recovery. Just hear me out. Stick with me. So I’m running, and I’m running, and I am literally like, “Okay, are we close enough? Are we close enough?” I get to the tan building, and it hits me. I’m like, “This is good. You did it. You actually ran.” I think it was three blocks, but still, I did it! I was so proud of myself.
So then, there was a part of me that was like, “Okay, do it to the next building. Don’t stop now.” All these women— I’m 40 ( I turned 40 this year)— but all these 55 and 60-year-olds were jogging and coming past me. I’m like, “Oh my gosh, I’m 40, and I cannot do this.” There was a judgment on myself that I made, but I recognized it, and I said, “No, you ran to this tan building. Give yourself a gift! Give yourself some credit. Look what you just did. That’s wonderful. Now, walk the rest of the way home. You got it. You did it this time. That’s good enough for today. Tomorrow is a new day, and maybe you pick a new building. Maybe you pick one farther.”
It reminded me that I have to be kind to myself. I have to celebrate the small victories in my life.
I deserve to be and congratulate myself for being courageous enough to even try. Then, I thought of you because, like I say in every podcast, I’m always thinking of you. I thought, “I wonder if the women in our community need to be lovingly reminded that you guys just listening to this podcast, you are making an effort.” You are running to that building, purchasing the program, logging on, and doing the work.
That is something to celebrate. That is something to give yourself credit for. You don’t need to master everything that I’m teaching right away. You don’t need to run your marathon immediately. It’s small, incremental steps and victories that we need to pause and go, “YES, this is one step closer to the goal.” Right? So right now, you’re listening. Right now, you’re trying.
Can I tell you that is not normal? Most people like to remain stuck because it’s comfortable being stuck. It’s cozy and warm, and it’s easier to remain stuck and look at the people we love and go, “Well, it’s really all about them. It’s Really all about their recovery, and I don’t need to do anything about it. There’s nothing I can do.”
It’s easier to be a victim and to be a martyr and to believe that everything that has to do with addiction has to do with the ones you love.
But you and I, we know that’s not true. We know there’s room for growth in our world and ourselves to become the women we were meant to be. That happens by small, little victories.
Do not get upset at yourself for not mastering these skills that I am teaching you. You are not allowed to beat yourself up if you backtrack. If you know better, and you still messed up— grace. Grace. Grace for you, grace for me, grace for all of us. You’re doing work; you’re trying. Honey that is amazing. You are doing better than most.
Forgive yourself immediately, and try again next time, okay?
This is going to be a very short podcast because, at the beginning of this, I said these would only be 5 – 10 minutes, and they’re getting longer and longer. It’s just because of me becoming more and more passionate about reaching you and talking to you and being that woman in your life that reminds you how amazing you are— that you are doing a great job. I believe in you, I believe in your recovery, I believe in your heart, and I believe that you are completely capable and possible of having the most wonderful future— a future where you are not bullied or held down in this disease. Where you are free from it. Where you are confident and beautiful, and you know it in your soul. You believe it with everything that you have, and you are not afraid of being alone. You are completely okay with staying if you want to because you are secure in who you are.
That is the ultimate goal of all of this. That is the end game. It is not to get them sober.
It is to get you healthier and stronger.
That is why we are doing all of this work. That is what all the programs, every single one of them, are about. Do you notice we don’t talk about ways that they should be getting sober? We don’t, so don’t expect it. If you’re thinking right now that this community is going to talk in detail about all of the proven tools to get them sober, it’s not going to happen. You need to find something else. This is about you and me.
This is about us as women coming together, sharing our pain and growing and becoming stronger and wiser and loving.
So, what is your marathon?
You are running it right now. Get outside, put on your gear, and run three blocks if you can. Walk if you have to. In other words— and I don’t mean literally run a marathon, of course, unless you want to, and then we can run it together and huff and puff and want to die together. You need to get into the program, you need to listen to the podcasts, and you need to practice the tools you are learning. Baby steps. One at a time. I’m here for you. I am cheering you on. I am your greatest fan— your biggest believer in you. If you need any encouragement, just email us. We are here for you. Our whole life is spent thinking of ways to help.
Don’t forget to subscribe. We come out with new episodes every single week. I love each and every one of you, and if you see a woman in your local neighborhood jogging down the street collapsing and falling on the ground, that will probably be me. So come by and help me up, and tell me that I can keep going because we are in this together.
I love you. I’ll talk to you next week.