4 Dos and Don’ts for Codependents

4 Dos and Don’ts for Codependents

We are codependent women, you and I. And like the alcoholic man we love, we will never be “cured.”

I left my husband after 10 painful and loving (sometimes) years. But even though I walked away from the disease I will never be able to separate from my codependent nature. If I am not careful, my self worth can come from fixing or solving someone else’s problems.  Just like an alcoholic – I must choose to make healthy choices one day at a time.

Does this sound like you?

Here are four do’s and don’ts of codependency:

1. Do not make your husband/children the center of your life. They will require our help, love and support but it’s unhealthy to make their needs first place all the time.

2. Do take daily self inventory. In other words, how many times a day do you ask yourself the questions, “am I making my needs important today, or am I running on empty? Am I waiting for someone else to make my dreams and desires important? Or am I acting like a responsible and mature woman prioritizing my time, spirituality, work, hobbies, etc.?”

3. Do not try to solve. Our desire to fix, solve and mend broken people and situations will never end. We will always be codependent. He will always be an alcoholic. Our daily choices will need to based on that truth. His victory comes from not drinking. Our victories come from a balanced, healthy focus and being ok with things not being ok.

4. Do take responsibility. We enjoy being codependent. Seriously. We get a kind of payoff from our pain – otherwise we would stop our destructive behavior. Some of my payoffs are: feeling superior, self fulfillment, and focusing on other people’s issues so I don’t have to face mine. Ugly, huh?

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