The Love Over Addiction Story
The Love Over Addiction Story
I was married to a guy who had it all. The whole package.
He could do calculus at the age of 14, stood tall at six foot with broad shoulders and had great blond hair and soft blue eyes. But what I loved most about him wasn’t his looks or his brains – it was his heart. He was kind and thoughtful. When he was seven, he offered the shirt off his back to a homeless man who said he liked it.
But tragic moments stole his light and covered up his innocence with darkness.
And when I found him broken and wounded, I thought I could fix him. He had so much potential – he just needed my tender love and a new beginning.
But my love was not the healing love he needed. It was insecure and needy. It was conditional and occasionally unforgiving. I was not his answer after all. And that single realization took me ten years to figure out.
I, after so much painful effort, could not save the man I loved from the disease of addiction.
So, I decided to save myself.
I am forever grateful that I was able to find the way towards true happiness, self-worth, and a joyful family life.
For many years, it was easy to disguise my issues in his addiction. He was the one with the problems, and I was the one with all the answers.
Look at him passed out on the couch while I tuck the kids into bed, do the fourth load of laundry, and apply my moisturizer.
Who’s the one with the issues?
The real answer was both of us.
I was trying to look so put together inside and outside of our house. Most people would say I was falling apart, but I wasn’t. In order to fall apart, you have to once been put together. And I can’t remember a time when I was ever put together.
I was insecure which made me a people pleaser. Insecurity made me smile when I felt like crying and act happy when I was lonely as hell.
I fell for a very sick man not just because of my empathy, but because it was a lot easier to focus on his issues and ignore mine.
I was in love with a good man addicted to drugs, porn, and alcohol, and I had work to do.
And it wasn’t about digging into my childhood (I had done enough of that in therapy – thank you). For me, and I think for you too sister, it was all about offering the empathy and compassion that I had been handing out to others…. And offering some of that love for myself.
To learn how to be kind to my heart. To fall in love with me, just as I am, not the best version or the happy put together girl I was projecting to the world.
And so I researched (something I'm truly passionate about and really good at). I stopped reading books about how to cure my partner. I quit trying to learn more about addiction. I’d already lived with it for 10 years, didn’t I know enough about this disease already?! Instead, I read anything I could get my hands on about self-love, discovering my dreams in life, and finding my own worth and value regardless of what my loved one was doing. I went to therapy to learn about myself (sometimes multiple times a week), and find out where I wanted to go with all of this.
I had done intensive workshops and therapy in the past, but this was different. This was my way of recovering and healing. I was trying something new and different, and something that I put together just for me. No one else.
And slowly, over the course of a full year, I changed. I transformed. Not into some great superhero, but into a happy woman, someone with genuine joy to offer to herself, and to the world.
Love. It was filling me up so much I could barely take it. Love for my children, who had desperately needed their mom to really see and listen to them. Before then, they felt second place to their father and this completely out of control disease.
No more. Addiction was no longer going to rob me and my kids of laughter, joy, and happiness. I was checked in. Fully present. No longer letting this disease take the wheel of our family’s destination.
This was exactly what I needed to change my life.
And I made a promise to someone very important that I would spend the rest of my life teaching other women how to find their self-love, happiness, and joy again.
This is how Love Over Addiction was born.
I created this powerful community as a resource for any woman who loves a good person suffering from addiction.
In this community, you’ll find foundational teachings, practices, and real-life examples from my personal story, women in this community, experts, and more.
We have women in our community that love good people suffering from all kinds of addictions, like alcohol, drugs (legal or illegal), prescription pills, gambling, pornography, or sex, among other things.
We never do judgment, and welcome each woman for exactly who she is today, no matter her circumstances or her loved one's situation.
We have women from all walks of life, all regions of the world, all different faiths, backgrounds, upbringings, personal values, and more. We’re a beautiful collage of strong and brave women all bonded by loving someone suffering from addiction.
We truly believe that our loved ones are good people. We want them to get better, but we also realize that we deserve recovery just as much as they do. Addiction is a traumatic disease, not only for the one suffering from it but for everyone that it touches along the way. That’s why it’s called a family disease.
We believe we are not powerless over addiction. We use our power, knowledge, energy, and learning to focus on ourselves, and things we can start doing today to make a difference. Here you’ll find tips, tools, knowledge, power, togetherness, love, support, understanding, and much more. You’ll find positivity.
We hope you'll rely on this community in moments of darkness. We hope you'll find hope and light in the fact that you’re not alone. And we hope you can find the power within yourself to improve your life, your happiness, and your relationship.
We’re so happy you’re here. Welcome, sister.
Find tools, tips, advice, stories, inspiration and hope from our community, Michelle herself, and industry experts. We release new episodes every week, and it’s totally free.
Have you ever wanted to know for sure that your loved one is actually struggling with addiction? You can stop second-guessing yourself and learn to trust your gut with this digital guidebook.