Ask Me Anything #3 With My Husband
Ask Me Anything #3 With My Husband
For those of you that haven’t heard, we’ve started a new series called Ask Me Anything. It’s where women in our community send me questions they’d like to know the answers to. (If you missed it, here is Episode 1 and Episode 2.)
Today we’re trying something really different. My husband, or “current” husband (that will make more sense once you listen) is on with me today.
Have you ever wondered what it’s like to be in a new relationship after years of loving someone suffering from addiction? What it’s like to be with a sober man? What it’s like for that man to love a woman who’s experienced so much trauma?
Then this is just for you sister. Listen (or read the transcript) for a loving conversation with my husband and me.
Michelle: Hi Brian.
Brian: Hi Sweetie.
Thank you for agreeing to do this.
Brian: You are welcome.
Michelle: Are you feeling mildly uncomfortable?
Brian: A little nervous for sure.
Michelle: What are you nervous about?
Brian: I work in a business where I don’t have to be spontaneous.
Michelle: You mean with your words?
Brian: Yes, with my words.
Michelle: This is pretty personal.
Brian: It is personal.
Michelle: Would you consider yourself a private person?
Brian: Yes, for sure.
Michelle: Me too, so this feels very vulnerable.
Brian: Yes, absolutely.
It feels vulnerable for me too.
Michelle: I understand. It feels vulnerable for me too, but I think as we’re getting older we need to be bolder with our feelings and a little bit more vulnerable with people. It initiates a connection with people and I’ve spent most of my life kind of being very guarded. For the next half of my life I want to be a lot more open and vulnerable with people. I do think that with age you stop caring so much what other people think.
Michelle: I am really grateful that you’re doing this and there’s no wrong answers here.
The only wrong answer would be a lie. One of the reasons why I fell in love with you though is because you truly are one of the most honest people I’ve ever met in my entire life.
Brian: Thank you, I try.
Michelle: You do try. I see you trying and that’s a value that I’ve seen you instill in our kids. I’m not worried about you lying. Are you worried about you lying?
Brian: No, I’m not.
Michelle: Here’s the deal. Just pretend we’re in the living room having a casual conversation.
Michelle: First of all, I want to talk about how you view my job. We’ve got all of these questions and this is a question from Lorianne. She wants to know how you view my job with Love Over Addiction since so much of my past is what I talk about and does that affect you?
How do you view my job with Love Over Addiction?
Brian: It doesn’t affect me in the sense of your past being your past. I have a past and we’ve been together for 10 years and I love you and I’m hugely supportive of Love Over Addiction. It’s very, very important to you, and I know that. The other thing is you were clear with me right at the beginning of our relationship that Love Over Addiction is something you really wanted to do and it’s been an endeavor of love for you for 10 years. It’s something that bothers me or I have an issue with it or I worry about stuff coming up from the past because I know most of it.
Do I ever surprise you about my past?
When you say you know most of it, do you feel like there’s times where you’re like, “Oh, I didn’t know that”?
Brian: I know you’ve written a lot of material that’s not yet published and I think there’s lots of details where I know the gist of the story, but I might not know all the details and I may not want to know all the details.
Michelle: What you’re referring to, to be specific, is I have a manuscript for a book that I have written. I asked you before I’m sending it to publishing agents if you wanted to read it and you went back and forth for a while. You weren’t quite sure, and then I think your final answer was ‘no, thank you’.
Brian: Right because I don’t need to know everything.
Michelle: Why don’t you?
Brian: I don’t know. I think it’s because we have a relationship together and I’m looking forward not backwards. I don’t want something from the past that may have been no fault of your own, but rather just a situation you were involved in, that somehow impacts me or it gets in my head.
It’s because we have a relationship together and I’m looking forward not backwards.
Michelle: That makes total sense.
Brian: It’s kind of like watching the evening news: Sometimes you just see too much and you wish you hadn’t seen it. To be fair, a lot of the past wasn’t “yours”, but rather you were married to somebody that was very much struggling. There’s lots of details and I have a very clear sense of the big picture. I don’t need to know every little detail.
Michelle: I would say you know 90% of the stories because we were very upfront and honest about our pasts when we started dating. Right from the beginning, you knew: this lady comes with baggage. She’s good looking but she comes with baggage.
Everybody comes with baggage, me included.
Michelle: That’s true. How do you feel about what I’m doing today?
Brian: It’s wonderful. It’s something that’s very important. I say this to you all the time, but you’re shining a light into a very dark place and I’m a huge supporter. It’s very hard for people to move forward with some of the things that you’ve gone through. I think you’ve organized it in a way that can help a lot of people. I’m hugely supportive of that endeavor and hopefully it will emanate to their children and other people they know so hopefully it’ll spread.
You’re shining a light into a very dark place and I’m a huge supporter.
Michelle: I hope so too. I know that you’re a big supporter.
Michelle: Okay, next question: Is your current husband grateful for you? Does he support and adore you? Also, how do you make him feel? Are you able to please him? How do you get to a place that you know that you are good enough for him on those good questions? Lorianne asks amazing questions. That’s a lot, that’s a lot of questions so…
Is your current husband grateful for you?
Brian: Can I just take issue with one thing?
The word “current” before husband. I am the husband. There is no current, it’s just the husband.
Michelle: You mean like there’s not going to be another one after you?
Michelle: No, there’s not going to be another one after you. I think she gets that from me, I say that and have to correct myself.
Michelle: Are you grateful for me?
Brian: For sure, absolutely, 100%. I’m grateful for you in so many different ways: our relationship, just the love that you bring to me. You’re a huge blessing in my life. You challenge me in so many ways. You challenge me to get better. Hopefully everybody feels the same way, but I definitely feel like I’ve become a better man, I’ve become a better husband and more importantly I’ve become a better father and friend to people because of how you challenge me to really step on it and improve every day.
For sure, absolutely, 100%. I’m grateful for you in so many different ways.
Michelle: Thank you for saying that. However, I think you were pretty darn close to perfect when I met you, so right back at you. Part of a good marriage is the ability to refine one another and each to have the willingness to be molded and refined. I could say the exact same thing for you, it’s not like you were some broken guy that needed all this help. You were very self-sufficient, you were very healthy, you were very selfless, you were very honest and reliable – you had all of the traits that I was looking for. Our marriage has just naturally evolved – we’ve taken the best from each other. That’s what happens when you have two healthy people that are willing to grow together and learn from one another to improve. Do you feel that’s fair?
Brian: Yeah, very much so.
Do you support and adore me?
Michelle: Do you support and adore me? I always say everybody in our community deserves to be adored.
Every women in our community deserves to be adored.
I would say you are truly my greatest supporter. You have supported Love Over Addiction. First of all, you supported this community by funding it. I don’t think anybody knows that, but when I came to you with this dream, you financially backed it. In the beginning, I would come to you every day, multiple times a day, with questions, problems, or when I didn’t feel like I was doing a good enough job. I doubted myself a lot, and you supported me.
Michelle: It’s expensive to run Love Over Addiction and create programs, and to hire the right people.
It’s a huge endeavor and you were so patient with me and so willing to lend your wisdom.
You believed in me.
Brian: You are naturally an achiever and it’s one of your greatest strengths. I’m different though, I focus on ideas and strategies. Frankly, the two work really well together. You’re always looking for the goal so you have a mountain to climb. You knew the mountain was out there all along, you just didn’t know how you wanted to climb it. You’ve made amazing accomplishments and I’m incredibly proud of you. And yes, I do adore you.
You are naturally an achiever and it’s one of your greatest strengths. I’m different though, I focus on ideas and strategies.
Michelle: You truly are so supportive. Without you, this would not have been possible. Hands down, no way, shape or form would we have been able to build the community and the programs [without you]. And you were a massive part of that. That actually answers the next question: What role, if any, does your husband have in Love Over Addiction?
You were a major player for the first several years. I mean, we would talk every day, multiple times a day about Love Over Addiction. But lately, and thankfully for our marriage, I’ve hired more people so you’re less involved. You do mentor the team though. When we have questions or we’re looking for insights, you’ll have a call with us to offer your expertise.
Brian: Yes, that’s been my role along: simply to provide some insights and thoughts and help along the way.
Michelle: What would you say you do?
Brian: We try to invest in and build businesses, which has some application to what you’re doing here. It’s always really difficult to get something off the ground. There’s so many obstacles and so many pitfalls and so many ways that those things can come to a screeching halt.
What’s amazing about this is you have overcome those obstacles and pitfalls. One of your greatest strengths, and one of the things I love most about you, is your persistence. When you run into something, you figure out how to get around it, whatever needs to be done, you’ll figure it out. That’s just a huge blessing to everybody who is able to come into contact with you.
Michelle: Thank you for saying that. My persistence is also probably annoying sometimes when I’m persisting after you.
Brian: Long ago we stopped the midnight wake ups when we had to have a conversation about Love Over Addiction.
Michelle: Yes, I did stop that.
Another way you’ve supported me and Love Over Addiction’s community is our children.
How many times did you take the kids to let me work? I don’t even know how many hours a week I was working. You would take the kids for the afternoon or the Saturday, and I would work.
Brian: I wouldn’t want people to get the wrong impression because I think you’ve done a good job balancing work and life. There are times when you are trying to finish a project, and as an achiever all your focus is the one goal. So you put the hours in.
Then you take breaks and there’s much more balance with the family life. You’re constantly thinking about things with the family. With the amount of time you’ve invested in the kids, I think there’s an incredibly healthy balance. I wouldn’t want people to give the wrong impression that every Saturday you’re all about the business because that certainly isn’t true, but when there’s a deadline, you’re on it and yeah, sometimes I need to figure out how many movies we can go see.
Michelle: Thank you for saying that and thank you for thinking of that, I do appreciate it. That’s actually one of our greatest strengths. If I look at our relationship, I would say we’re a good team. I can look at you and go, ‘I’m done, you’re it’. And I know when you need a break, and I step up to the plate. I know when we’re both working really hard, we know we need a date night and we’ve been very religious about our date nights. Once a week we go out or we order sushi and have ice cream in bed and watch a movie.
If I look at our relationship, I would say we’re a good team.
Brian: The number one thing people need to look for is they need to figure out if somebody is willing to sacrifice. If they’re not willing to sacrifice something that’s important to them for their mate, then that’s not a good match. There will come a time that they need to sacrifice something important for their partner.
Michelle: I love that.
So give me an example: what’s an example of the last time you made a sacrifice for me? When you were consciously making an effort to put your desires aside and serve me?
Brian: Going to Disney World.
Michelle: That’s hilarious, we were just there!
Brian: I know.
Michelle: So wait, you’re saying that you-
Brian: Went to Disney World on my birthday for you? Yes.
Michelle: Okay, wait, back that up.
Brian: I didn’t not enjoy it though. I liked it, but the level of love…you’re at an 11 and I might be like an eight and a half.
Michelle: I don’t know if you’re an eight and a half.
Brian: It’s not torture. I love it, but I don’t love it nearly as much as you do.
Michelle: I love it, I got us all sweatshirts and you wore your sweatshirt.
Brian: I did, it was comfortable. It was a good sweatshirt.
Michelle: It was a good sweatshirt. Lauren, our daughter, designed the sweatshirts. I made everybody wear matching sweatshirts.
Wait, can we back that up? Because your 50th birthday we also threw you a big party the night before.
Brian: That’s true, I skipped right over that.
Michelle: Also I arranged for you and your buddies to all go spend the day golfing.
Disney was definitely a little sneak in for me and the kids, but I think that’s a great example.
Brian: We make little sacrifices all the time. I don’t remember exactly when, but my guess is sometime in the last few weeks I did some extra driving for you because you had something to do, whether it be an interview or you had a Facebook Live. Certainly when you’re doing your master classes, I picked up some slack there with all the launch and everything else.
Brian: There’s a lot of back and forth and it can’t be a quid-pro-quo. This can’t be a list where people keep a tally and figure out whether it’s even. That’s just not a good relationship. At the end of the day, I make a sacrifice because I love you and there are times when I need something and you jump in and do the same.
Michelle: So let’s talk, because I know some women are going to be really curious about how you feel about my ex-husband.
Michelle: Here’s the question: How did it feel coming into this situation? Meaning, how did it feel knowing you were marrying someone that had three children with an ex-partner that suffered seriously from addiction?
Brian: I knew that if I was going to remarry, it would probably be a mother. Not that there’s anything wrong with women that don’t have children. But knowing I was bringing two children into the equation, I assumed she would be bringing children as well. I didn’t necessarily expect that there would be the ex-husband who had challenges with drug and alcohol abuse but you were very upfront about that from the beginning.
Brian: I think we talked through that and we talked through the situation. You had moved which impacted when he could see the children, how that was happening. It’s changed and evolved over the years in terms of the interrelationship between him and I. And of course, you and the kids.
Michelle: When you first met me, you saw my three kids, what were some of your fears about getting involved? I was very through the front door with you that I was a packaged deal.
In a way I was wondering how, because I thought you were a great catch frankly.
Michelle: Thank you.
Brian: So how was it to be that I was so lucky?
Michelle: Oh, I love that. That’s so sweet.
Brian: In a way, that was a very clear explanation because-
Michelle: Oh right, I never thought about that. So basically you’re saying like, why is she available?
Brian: Right. What happened? And I think anybody naturally has that question.
Michelle: Like is she cray, cray?
Brian: Well, what are the circumstances? I remember when we first started dating, we had long conversations well into the night, talking long distance with you until 3:00 or 3:30 in the morning. We had lots of conversations about everything and if nobody has figured this out, you were very much through the front door about everything. There was no hiding anything about his situation and what that meant or frankly why you decided you had to do something and frankly I admired you for that because you have a huge protective instinct as a mom and you were doing that.
Brian: I mentioned sacrificing earlier, and that was the sacrifice you made for your children.
You sacrificed your situation and took a big risk because you had to do it for them. You weren’t worried about you.
Michelle: You’ve talked to my ex-husband over the years. What has he personally said to you?
Brian: He’s said to me that he’s appreciated me stepping into a role that was difficult for him to play in their lives.
Michelle: Now that is amazing. First off, that’s very rare. But it not only speaks to who you are because you are such a fair, kind human being and he could sense that from the many times we spent together. It speaks volumes of him, I think as well to be the type of human being that says, thank you for doing this and for admitting that he couldn’t.
Brian: Well, I appreciate the fact that he didn’t just hate me.
Through the front door, one of my greatest fears about my own divorce was some guy on the other side.
Who he would be, and how he would treat my children. I very much tried to put myself into his shoes.
Michelle: I feel like you’ve done a great job. For example, when we traveled back to the state that he lives in, we would load up all six children in the car, including yours, to go visit him and his family. We spent time over the holidays with everyone together. It was a great lesson for us, but also for the kids. You were like fully ready, able, and willing to go. It wasn’t a big ask from me – I don’t even remember us having that conversation, so how did you feel?
Brian: Well, I did feel awkward. It got a lot less awkward really quickly, and he deserves part of the credit for that for sure. Neither one of us had big egos or had anything to prove to one another. There are a lot of men that walk around with chips on their shoulders needing to prove something to someone. We weren’t like that. We kind of appreciated the different roles that each one had and there was sort of a good, good outset, mutual respect there. Given the circumstances, he also had a girlfriend, pretty quickly as I recall. They had children, both hers, and they had a couple of children together. That changed the dynamic too, having kids on both sides that he needed to be concerned about.
Brian: People may be in situations where that isn’t the case.
You did a great job of creating the right setup for this to happen.
You had an ear to the group for whether he was in a good space or not, which was really important for the situation. A bad space probably is not the right time to introduce or have an interaction with, frankly anybody, but certainly bringing kids into the mix or a new relationship. Just something to keep in mind.
Michelle: Absolutely. Thank you for talking about that. I also want to mention, as we’ve said before, there were some very dramatic times that we won’t talk about in detail. But there were moments that we were driving across state lines at all hours of the night to go get the kids from him, because of the situation. Authorities were called and bad things were occuring. By no means is this an easy ride. You and your partner need to be in this together, with everything on the table.
Brian: And that’s part of the sacrifice. At the end of the day they have to be willing to do that and likewise, you’re willing to jump in with them when they have issues.
Michelle: I agree.
Let’s talk about one of the best things that we did: adoption. You’ve adopted my three kids. Just to be fair, for the sake of clarity, we are saying “yours”, “mine”, but we in real life do not do that.
I was very adamant when we got together saying they’re “ours”, we’re a family, we do not do ‘steps’, we do not do ‘halfs’. We are brothers, sisters, mothers, and fathers and we are together.
We are brothers, sisters, mothers, and fathers and we are together.
Tell me about the adoption, how was that for you?
Brian: Well, first of all, you made a really gutsy decision to go to him. That was a discussion between the two of you. I may have been on my knees praying at the time, but you are one of the most courageous people I know and you’re courageous for doing this. I certainly wanted to do that, I wanted to do it for them and-
Michelle: Can I interrupt you really quickly before we move on?
Michelle: Thank you for that first of all. It did not go down well the first couple times I asked.
Brian: That’s true.
Michelle: Let’s just air that out, not only with him but with other family members.
Asking someone to sign away their kids is not easy and I got shut down several times.
Brian: It’s one of those things where the degree to which he was accepting about it and that even when we got the initial papers signed where he was willing to do it, we went to church together that day and he shook my hand and said thank you. That was a big move on his part.
Michelle: But here’s the deal, he did say thank you and it was a really healing moment when he did. He had just signed the paperwork to relinquish all rights for his children and sign them over to another man.
Brian: They deserved it and the other issue was, frankly, God forbid something happen to you, he was not a space to take the kids back. That would have been a horrible situation and because of that, it was really important for us to keep fighting. We knew it would be the best thing for the kids in the long run. I love our kids. And they are mine. I never want to come between them having a relationship with him in the future. Hopefully they can.
It was one of the greatest moments in my life.
To this day remember the adoption papers and it just brought tears to my eyes when I saw that they are my own kids as if they’re part of my blood. That sealed it right there and we walked out of the courthouse, we were a family.
Michelle: I was surprised at how official it was. I had no idea. It’s the same process if you adopt a child from two parents that are not biological as it is to adopt a child if it was just you. So we had to go to the courthouse and we had to go to the courtroom and the kids had to agree.
What was your motivation on intention for wanting to adopt them?
Brian: My motivation was that it is part of who I am.
I had established a relationship with them and I’m your husband and they didn’t have a dad.
He was absent and as much as he may have tried to be a father in those moments when he would have an interaction with them, he was really in no position mentally or with the disease to really provide that to them. To me I just couldn’t imagine how sad that would be to grow up and feel like you have no real dad. You’ve got this sort of guy in your life that’s your stepdad and he’s trying to fill in and you’re always wondering what’s out there. It really changed their perspective because I became the real dad and our relationship has grown.
I think they view you as their real dad.
I don’t even think they think of it right now as an issue, of course they call you dad their last names are Anderson and they asked to be called Anderson’s at school before they were even adopted.
Brian: That was funny, I loved that.
Brian: The oldest one has definitely come around. That was definitely a little more challenging early on because he had to build more trust with me because he was older. I’m just thinking that other people might have situations where the kids, our kids came together when they were much younger, but people might be prone to bring together families with teenagers, and you have to give a lot of space. It takes time to prove they’re safe.
To prove that you’re not going to hurt them and abandon them and that you’re safe.
Brian: There’s a lot of doubt. There’s a lot of skepticism.
Brian: Are you genuine, authentic, do you care? The only way you can prove that, you can say that, but the only way you could prove it over time is by being there and being present and showing those qualities and in the long run that’ll come around. It’s the result of something but it can never happen right away.
Now they 100% trust you entirely.
You’re right, it takes time.
Brian: It would be a shame that people didn’t take the next step because they were fearful about it.
Michelle: What do you mean by ‘next step’?
Brian: Meaning getting into a relationship and it was not easy and there were a lot of hard times, but there were a lot of beautiful times and great times and it was crazy and there was chaos.
Michelle: Do you mean leaving?
Brian: I’m not talking about leaving,
I’m talking about if they made the decision to leave and they’re sitting in between it and they’re wondering.
Michelle: Like should they start to date again?
Brian: Should I start to date, what happens when I get committed to somebody and how’s that going to go down and I’ve got kids or I don’t have kids? And what does that look like or the other person has kids and how does that play out? I’m just saying that it would be a shame if they didn’t go for it because I think what this shows and what we bring together is something where it has been phenomenal and it’s been the best thing for everybody. There’s a lot of craziness and there’s a lot of chaos and everything else, but those are moments in time.
Chaos and craziness is a daily thing around here with the amount of kids we have.
I mean we’re not like calm and collected. I’m surprised our neighbors haven’t called some sort of agency to check on us because we’re so loud over here. But we have weathered a lot of storms together and I think that’s brought us closer together and given us layers to our relationships. We’ve gone to war together.
Michelle: We’ve been through war, we’re battered, we’re bruised, we’re scarred from our first marriages. I think that creates a level of appreciation that might not be there with people who have been married and stayed married forever. Not that I’m suggesting everybody gets divorced, but you know what I mean. I would have never been able to appreciate you if I had not been married to my first husband. I would have never ever appreciated what we had. I might have even thought, and I hope this does not offend you, but I might’ve even thought like, oh, this is boring. Like where’s the drama, like where’s the problems to solve?
Because safe and steady and integrity can sometimes equate to boring.
There’s not tons of conflict all the time, but that’s what is healthy and I think it’s just naturally like I would never have appreciated that had I not gone through the dysfunction and the drama and the chaos. Do you feel like that sometimes?
Brian: Yes I do. We spent a lot of time and I think one of the things that you did, phenomenal, that you did early on is you really helped prepare us. I probably had fallen in love and were so excited to go get married and put our families together and everything else so I was always the one who was rushing to it, maybe rushing to it, but certainly pushing and wanting to and excited about it and what not. And I think you were the one saying, yeah, we’re going do that, but first we need to make sure that we’re fully prepared. That was credit to you and there was a lot of investment in understanding what sort of fears we have and the doubts versus love and trust.
Michelle: That’s hilarious.
Brian: All that.
I know what you’re talking about.
Brian: Yes, you do.
Michelle: For those of you listening, he’s referring to the fact that I dragged him to therapy for many, many hours. Our marriage counselor had like this cabin in the woods that was sort of a couple’s retreat and I for many occasions and many weekends dragged him there and he loves the woods. I’m learning to appreciate the woods but I think he thought we were going to go hiking and-
Brian: Fresh air, we’re in the mountains.
Michelle: No, it was like 10 hours of intense one-on-one therapy in a small cabin.
Brian: I burned up all my problems in the campfire.
Michelle: Yeah, you did.
We did a lot of exercises, but she was really imperative.
Brian: She was very imperative.
Michelle: In fact, she was so much a part of our relationship and building it, she was our minister, she married us. We asked her to marry us even though she wasn’t ordained and so she got her certificate and got ordained because she was such an integral part of helping us walk through the trust issues that come and how do I behave in a healthy manner and healthy relationship because all I’ve ever known is to live in panic and fear and doubt and anxiety and I don’t know how to operate in this. I’m fine with giving, but how do I not give to the point where I’m exhausting myself and I’m constantly trying to please him… And oh, and this is one thing I’m going to talk about and then I promise we’ll go because this is probably a really long podcast.
Michelle: One of the things I think you have been imperative like, so incredible for me and my growth as a woman, you said earlier I made you become a better man. It’s vice versa and the way you’ve helped me become a better woman is because I think there was still, even though I had done, God only knows how many years and years of work before I met you on myself, there’s still some of those things that you can’t quite heal until you get into a relationship with somebody else. You don’t realize that there are issues that are laying below the surface until you start dating somebody else and then all of a sudden it’s like they pop up and you’re like, okay.
Michelle: For example, when you would come home late for meetings and I love you, but you are not the best communicator at saying I’m running late.
Brian: That’s true.
Michelle: So based on my past, when you would come home late from work, I would automatically go into panic mode just out of a natural habit without even recognizing it. I’d be wondering if you’re out at a bar cheating on me, but you have zero history of alcohol or drug issues. When you’d get home, I’d be in a frenzy for no reason. That’s something that you really cannot heal until you’re in a relationship with someone healthy. That’s where my therapist came into play. Over the years, those issues have healed.
When you would come home late from work, I would automatically go into panic mode just out of a natural habit without even recognizing it.
Brian: Yes, for sure.
Michelle: I think that coming to the table with that kind of attitude, but then in addition to being with a healthy steady man who makes consistently good choices has helped me heal and become even more independent so that it is incredibly nice to do life with you, but I am in no way whatsoever dependent on you to do life with. Does that make sense, is that weird?
Brian: This might sound a little cheesy and I apologize, but we fit really well together and there are parts of me and parts of you that when we blend it make us as one very strong whereas separate we’re not.
Michelle: Yes, that’s true.
Brian: There’s an interdependence, which sounds cheesy, but we are not dependent upon one another, but we do live really well together because we compliment each other. We’re there for each other and we can pull this together. If people are too independent, then why are you together, what’s the point?
Michelle: Are you saying like your college roommates?
We’re best friends.
Brian: Our reasons are, as you can probably tell, is that there are so many things that you compliment me and vice versa. You’re persistent when I’m thinking I don’t know if I want to keep going, but at the same time I might say, but hey, I have a different idea what if we do that? And then the combination of it gets us to where we need to get to.
Michelle: We take turns being a leader. Most of the time we’re not fighting to be both leaders, we pass the baton. That’s great. Well, I love you. Thank you for being willing to talk.
Brian: I love you too.
Thank you for being willing to share on this and I hope people found it helpful and not too boring.
Do you feel like we run the risk of being boring a little?
Brian: We do, we do.
Michelle: Do we sound like old people?
Brian: I just don’t want to come across like we’re too perfect.
Michelle: Totally, oh my gosh.
Brian: I think we have a great relationship, I think the thing that I love about it is that it’s gotten so much … It grows every single year and we both did bring a bunch of baggage that we had to work through, but we were committed and we were sacrificial and we work at it.
Michelle: Oh my God, that’s so-
Brian: You were a great catch.
Michelle: Thank you, thank you for saying that. I feel the same way, it’s mutual.
Michelle Anderson has over 10 years of personal experience with loving someone who suffers from addiction. She was married to a good man who suffered from addiction to alcohol, illegal drugs, and pornography. She's used her experience to create powerful resources for women in the same circumstance. Using her own personal experience, combined with years of research and studying, she presents ideas, tips, and tools on how to handle this disease, and take care of yourself, and your family.
Explore the Love Over Addiction program
Remember being fun? Laughing? Feeling giddy? Being carefree? Addiction can take all those things away from you and replace them with worry, anxiety, fear, and anger. It doesn’t have to be that way. Discover how to change your life and your relationship today.
Explore the Love Over Addiction: Stay or Go program
Have you ever wondered? Or maybe you know… but you don’t know how. Staying or leaving your relationship is a huge decision. There are questions you need to ask yourself, and ways to prepare no matter what you decide. Find out how to make this decision, even if you’re not ready to make it today.