Episode 111: Feeling Trapped In Your Relationship?
Let’s be real: feeling trapped in your relationship with someone suffering from substance use disorder can suck the life right out of you. You love them so you don’t want to leave, but you feel like you can’t handle their addiction.
The drama and stress are enough to make you feel like you’re going insane. There are days where you want to curl up into a ball forever. Addiction can make you feel like you’re suffocating and your feelings and thoughts don’t matter.
The women in this community, your sisters… we understand exactly what you’re feeling.
Addiction can twist up your mind to the point where you feel crazy. And you’re not even the one suffering from addiction!
Actually, that’s not true, is it? We are suffering even if we’re not the ones who need to get sober. Loving someone who loves the pills, bottles, pornography or powder more than anything else brings a lot of suffering on us.
So what are we going to do about it?
The way I see it, we have two choices.
#1. We can allow ourselves to buy into the lies that addiction is trying to force us to believe. Lies that sound like this: I am empty, I’m not good enough, I have to stick it out forever, I can’t be happy until they get sober.
#2. We can decide we don’t have to take care of them or say “yes” to opportunities, people or responsibilities we should say “no” to. We don’t have to try to control outcomes or other people or convince someone that they should feel sorry or try to help someone who really needs to help themselves.
Let me lovingly remind you: choice # 2 brings freedom.
Choice #2 is LIFE. Choice #2 is really our only choice if we want the life we deserve. We can’t change their behaviors but we sure as heck can change our reactions. We can bravely choose to take charge of our own happiness whether they get sober or not.
If you’re interested in learning how to make sure you’re implementing #2 into your life, I have the perfect free giveaway. It will provide you a simple checklist of all the ways you can make sure you’re saying no, surrendering control of outcomes or people, not guilting or demanding apologies (even when we feel like we really deserve them) and releasing yourself from the role of helper and overachiever.
Here is a perfect example of a sister in our community who is doing exactly what I described.
She wrote this inside our Secret Facebook Group:
“My husband has been approximately 36 hours without a drink. His hands are shaking, he is acting controlling and itching for a fight. He’s practically jumping out of his skin.
Initially, I was slipping into my codependent behaviors by staying out of his way but resentfully responding to every command just to keep him happy. I was trying to change his mood.
Feeling an anxiety attack looming, and realizing I was feeding into his drama, I backed away and let him deal with his emotions (or drink, if he so chooses).
I brought myself to this spot, where I am meeting my friends for lunch. Letting this beautiful day recharge me, remembering to choose peace and happiness for myself.
As angry and intimidating as he is trying to be, he is a broken man trapped in a hell of his own choosing. I can clearly see how he seeks attention, positive and negative, in order to feel better, in control… and yes, even loved.”
THIS is a powerful woman. She saw the warning signs and did something about it. She met her friends for lunch, leaving early and opening her eyes long enough to notice the beauty in the world. She posted a picture of the trees while she was waiting for her friends to arrive. I am beyond proud of her.
And I think she raised a great point… the ones we love, the addicted, they feel trapped too. This disease causes good people to make really bad choices. And there’s nothing fair about it.
If you’re feeling trapped because:
You don’t know how you can afford to leave
You’re not sure where to start with a separation or divorce
You’re worried about how to tell family or friends what’s really going on
Or you feel afraid of breaking apart a family
We have you covered. We will tell you everything you need to know if you’re debating staying or leaving your relationship inside the NEW program: Love Over Addiction: Stay or Go. It’s not available yet… but you can be added to the waitlist and be the first to know when it’s released.
Are you ready to take your healing to the next level?
Love Over Addiction is here for you.
Join thousands of women, just like you today.
Love Over Addiction is a private self-study recovery program just for women who love someone who drinks too much or suffers from substance use disorder.
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