How To Listen To Your Whisper And Let Go Of The Voice Of Addiction
How To Listen To Your Whisper And Let Go Of The Voice Of Addiction
In the next two episodes, I want to speak to those of you that are thinking about leaving or in the midst of leaving your loved one suffering from addiction. In this first episode, which is what you’re reading right now, I want to talk about the absolute necessity of fighting for our lives. Which means listening to your whisper, your own voice, and letting go of the voice of addiction.
Let’s talk about fighting for your life.
There’s a way to find your voice, your whisper, and let go of the voice of addiction.
And sometimes I do mean that literally when we decide to leave addiction, most of us will be leaving someone who doesn’t want to be left.
And why is that? Because addiction likes control. Addiction likes to be the one in charge. It’s trying to tell you how to feel, how to think, how to behave, how to act.
It has gotten away with it for years.
Addiction wants to be the loud voice in your head telling you that you can’t. It wants to hide your voice, your whisper.
Its role in your life has been the controller. And for those of you that are new to our community, we consider addiction to be the third party in our relationships. So it’s us, our partners, and their addiction.
So that’s why I often refer to it as a separate entity.
We fell in love with somebody who is loving, kind, and thoughtful.
And then there’s us as part of this relationship. We’re also loving, kind, and thoughtful.
Then lastly, there’s the disease of addiction, which is the third party, kind of like the mistress. Addiction is the reason why your relationship is in such turmoil and chaos and is so difficult because of that third party.
So listen, addiction has kept you under its thumb for so long.
The moment that you decide that you’re going to step away from this relationship, that you’re going to take a pause, you’re going to separate or divorce. Or that you’re done and that this is it and you’ve had enough, and you want a new life, and you’re daring to dream of your new future.
The moment that addiction catches a wave of this new idea, or gets any indication or hints of what you’re thinking, it gets scared.
It’s the moment addiction knows that you’re listening to your whisper, that you’re finding your voice, and that you’re no longer going to be fooled by the voice of addiction.
Addiction is losing it’s voice. And instead, you’re finding your whisper, your voice.
Addiction gets scared. And your partner may be scared too.
Addiction gets nervous, and it will try to do anything and everything to get you back under control to get you back under its spell.
So for some of us that looks like intimidation. It will call you to berate you in the middle of the day. It may tell you to shut the @*%^ up and call you names.
Addiction might tell you that you’re worthless and that if you ever leave, you’ll never find anyone that’s good enough, that you don’t deserve love, that you don’t deserve happiness.
It might threaten you with legal issues. Addiction might use the children against you, and say that no one will ever believe you. It will do whatever it has to do.
Addiction will do whatever it has to do.
Whatever it takes to keep you under control.
And this, my friend, is the fight of your life.
This is your greatest calling today and forever.
It will be the mission, and the purpose of your life to rise above that.
To let go of the voice of addiction that’s been playing in your head for years. And to listen for the greater voice instead.
It’s within you and starts out as a whisper, and that whisper is suggesting that there is something better out there.
It may be suggesting that you’re deserving of more, that this is miserable and it’s not going to change. It’s not going to get better. You’re being abused. You are being mistreated, and that whisper will be a loving whisper saying there’s more.
There’s better. Don’t settle. Don’t allow somebody to treat you like this. And don’t believe that you’re worth being abused.
You’re worth more. You’re worth being cherished. You are worth being loved. You are worth being recognized.
Let’s be clear; I’m not talking about being loved and cherished and recognized by another human being.
I’m talking about you recognizing that within yourself first.
And this is important, stay with me here. Here’s the loving truth: it’s nearly impossible to feel that way about yourself when you’re living with and loving someone who’s doing the exact opposite.
If they’re abusing you, telling you you’re worthless, that you don’t deserve, you’re not worthy of love, it becomes nearly impossible.
When they’re choosing the drugs, alcohol, porn, sex, or whatever over you, that’s them telling you with their actions that you’re worthless.
It’s nearly impossible to live with both this holding yourself in a position of being loved, cherished, and adored, as well as living with somebody who is abusive, negligent, lying, and manipulating.
How can you hold both of those lives together in the same house?
How can you hold both of those?
It’s an internal battle.
So listen to me, if you are in a situation right now where someone is making you feel bad, where somebody is constantly putting you down, that is abuse, and you deserve the right to leave that relationship.
You deserve more. You need to walk away, and I don’t say that very often because we’re a community of no judgment.
I’ve been in your position before where I’ve talked myself out of leaving day in and day out because I thought all of the odds were stacked against me.
I was a young mom with three kids, no job, zero education, no money.
I had kept this disease a secret. For years I lied and covered up for my ex-husband.
Everyone thought we were the family that had it all together. I lived in the house, in a good neighboorhood, we had the clothes, the cars, the kids in school, all of it.
And let me tell you, it was a big fat lie.
My life today is 80,000 times better because I was willing to face the truth. The truth that I deserved more, and so did my kids.
Living with abuse, living with somebody who’s constantly putting me down, living with addiction was not only unhealthy for me, but it was unhealthy for my children.
It was unhealthy for me and for my children.
And I did not want them growing up thinking that this was normal.
I couldn’t bear the thought that this relationship is something that they were going to tolerate later in life. Or that they should dish out to their spouses.
I had to get them away from addiction.
If you’re listening to this right now and you have that little whisper that we talked about earlier that is calling you to something greater, to something better, and it is telling you that you should consider the idea of leaving, listen to that whisper.
Because the mission and the call of your life are to pay attention and follow that whisper until it becomes louder, stronger, and more powerful than the voice of addiction.
And if you just pay attention to that whisper, I promise you, your future is going to be better and greater than anything you can even imagine today.
Pay attention to your voice.
So do yourself a favor: Be still and silent. Ask yourself, what is my whisper telling me?
And then when addiction tries to bully you, put you down and put you ‘back in your place,’ you refuse to listen.
You come to me, and I will lovingly remind you, I will hold your hand.
I will be your greatest cheerleader, and I will tell you, you’ve got me.
You’ve got a community of women that will see you through this to the very end.
We will make sure that you’re okay because that is my entire purpose in my life is to make sure that you find the happiness and joy and that you do not settle.
You have one lifetime.
This is it.
Are you really going to sit there and waste the next five, six, ten years of your life waiting for someone to get sober so you can start to feel better?
Is that as good as it’s going to get for you because that is giving your power away?
It’s always walking on eggshells, being let down, being lied to, and manipulated.
Now I know there are some of you out there that are waiting, always waiting for them to get better.
You are not powerless over this disease.
This is your life, too, and this is your kid’s life. You can rise and answer the calling to believe in yourself, to believe that you’re greater than this, that you deserve better than this.
I love you. I’m here for you. I want to be your sister and your friend. I want to be that person in your life that you lean on.
You won’t need me forever. I’m only here for a season of your life to help you get you through this and then you will move on because you’ve done your work.
I just want to make sure that you do the work and that you hear me saying that you can do the work.
Don’t ignore the calling of your life for one day more.
Michelle Anderson has over 10 years of personal experience with loving someone who suffers from addiction. She was married to a good man who suffered from addiction to alcohol, illegal drugs, and pornography. She's used her experience to create powerful resources for women in the same circumstance. Using her own personal experience, combined with years of research and studying, she presents ideas, tips, and tools on how to handle this disease, and take care of yourself, and your family.
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