Their Long Road To Recovery And Yours Too: From Our Love Over Addiction Sister

Their Long Road To Recovery And Yours Too: From Our Love Over Addiction Sister

When you love someone suffering from addiction, you want more than anything for them to get sober. You’d do anything to help them get sober for good and let go of their addiction. Right? I was like that too. Today we hear from a Love Over Addiction sister who’s been married for over 35 years.

They’ve raised a family, and her husband has been in and out of rehab since 2009.

She’s worked on her own issues of codependency, denial, and more throughout the years. She’s come to a place of compassion. She enforces her boundaries, stays in her lane, and knows how to handle her husband’s addiction.

You can listen to the podcast episode here: 

You can read the transcript here: 

Michelle: So, let’s start at the beginning. I love to ask this question: How did you meet your partner? And when did you begin to notice there was a real issue going on? What were those little red flags? 

Love Over Addiction Sister: You know,

I met my husband when I was 20. He’s a musician, and he was playing in a band.

Michelle: Okay. Were you watching him play? Love Over Addiction Sister: Correct, yes. I lived in a small community, and we’d go out and listen to bands in a bar. That would have been in 1980. 

Michelle: Oh, wow.

Love Over Addiction Sister: Actually, 1981.Michelle: Okay, so 1981. So, you saw him playing in the band…

Love Over Addiction Sister: Right. I mean, being part of a band, there was always alcohol around — lots of drinking and partying. 

And I would drink socially when I went out to watch him play. It was probably the summer of 2003 that I noticed there was an issue

Michelle: Okay, and what was it about that summer? Was it a specific instance? Or did it just develop over time? 

Love Over Addiction Sister: There were peaks and valleys in our relationship. But for me, growing up in a small community, I, just knew that within a marriage, we’d have those peaks and valleys. We were going to have peaks and valleys of a relationship. 

But that summer, particularly, he had quit a job and then went into real estate. I’m a teacher, so I had the summer off. At the time, we had a young teenager and younger children. 

He wanted to go to the lake with just me, and he wanted to go to drink beer. 

That felt wrong – it just didn’t feel right to me. 

Michelle:

Did you feel conflicted?

Love Over Addiction Sister: Totally. I remember talking to my oldest son, who was 14 at that time. I told him how I was feeling strange about it, but my son said, “Well, Mom, Dad probably just wants to spend time with you.” 

So I thought, “Okay, you know what? That’s probably true.” and just let it go.

Michelle: Why do you think he didn’t want your 14-year-old son around?

Love Over Addiction Sister: Well, we had two other children, 13 years old and 11 years old. And we’d had a crazy busy time raising them. Our relationship got pushed to the side while we focused on the children. 

I feel like he wanted time to re-energize our relationship, maybe? Time with just me. 

Michelle: Meaning to reconnect?

Love Over Addiction Sister: Reconnect. Thank you, yes.

Michelle: Yes.

So he wanted to reconnect with you?

Love Over Addiction Sister: Correct.

Michelle: And spend some alone time. And I feel like that’s normal for a husband and a wife to want to get away from the kids.

Love Over Addiction Sister: Right.

Michelle: But you felt like he was saying, “Well, not only do I want to connect with you, but I also want to go drink excessive amounts of alcohol.”

Love Over Addiction Sister: Right, exactly.

Michelle: Yeah, and so it was after you had three kids after you had been with him for quite a while. I mean, you started dating in 1981, and this is 2003.

Love Over Addiction Sister: Right.

Michelle: There was nothing in between that timeframe? 

Did he try to quit alcohol in between that? Did he have any attempts? What about arguments? Did you ever argue with him about the amount of alcohol he was drinking?

Love Over Addiction Sister: You know, no. Looking back I understand little bits and pieces where he has said he felt like he knew this was a problem way back when.

Love Over Addiction Sister: But really, he hid it well.

Does that make sense? 

Michelle: It makes total sense.

Love Over Addiction Sister: And as I said, we’d go out, and he was playing in the bar. He’d have a few drinks. I’d have a few drinks. I never felt that there was excess.

Michelle: Yeah, yeah.

Love Over Addiction Sister: To my knowledge, it didn’t seem excessive. And now, of course, I second guess moments when we would have arguments. Or when we’d feel the distance. 

I can’t go back and change anything, but you question and wonder, “Well, I wonder if that was a moment of addiction? Or was I just naive to it?”

Michelle: I’m assuming you did not grow up in a household with alcoholism or any kind of addiction? Is that a safe assumption?

Love Over Addiction Sister: Very safe. Yeah, my mom and dad, they married when they were older, and they would split a beer every night. They were cute.

Michelle: That’s adorable.

Love Over Addiction Sister: Yeah.

So for me to even understand what was considered too much…

Love Over Addiction Sister: I wasn’t even sure.

I was naive. 

I was pretty sheltered from what alcoholism even was. Like a lot of people, I had this understanding that an alcoholic was someone who couldn’t hold a job and lived on the streets. 

That was what I had in my mind. It’s fair to say that I didn’t have great knowledge of alcohol and drug addiction at all. 

Michelle: That’s such a wonderful point that you bring up because I think so many women now when they hear that, they’re going to be nodding their head.

Love Over Addiction Sister: Yeah.

Michelle: I think a lot of us didn’t understand what we were getting into. And for many years, I think we took the blame. Of course, unnecessary blame, because we didn’t understand what was going on and how it wasn’t our fault.

It was the disease or the addiction or whatever you’re comfortable calling it.

It was the dysfunction that was going on was nothing for us to take personally.

Love Over Addiction Sister: Right. Yes. I would agree with that statement.

Michelle: Okay, so let’s go back. You go on this vacation. Did you end up going on a vacation with him alone?

Love Over Addiction Sister: Yes, but it wasn’t even a vacation. It was more like just a date because it was an afternoon away at the lake. Not even a weekend at the lake or anything like that. 

It was more just quite a few times during that summer that I remember. He’d say, “Let’s go to the lake just you and me and go just spend some time together.”

Michelle: And you’re a teacher, so you had time off to do that.

Love Over Addiction Sister: Correct.

Michelle: Got it. So how did you feel when he would suggest going up to the lake for the afternoon?

Love Over Addiction Sister: I felt uncomfortable.

And that’s when I talked to my son about it. Like I said earlier when he said that my husband probably just wanted to spend time with me alone.

So I just brushed it off as that. 

I feel like my husband was going through a really hard time. A mid-life crisis if you will, because he’d quit his job, was trying to get into real estate. He was unhappy and seemed like he was doing some soul searching.  

And maybe unhappy isn’t the right word but just trying to figure it all out. He felt unsettled. 

I was conflicted because I’d want to do things as a family.

I could see where he was coming from, wanting to spend time with just me. But I always struggled with deciding to go with just him, or suggest that we do something as a family. 

Michelle: Let me ask you a tough question.

Love Over Addiction Sister: Okay.

Michelle: Did you love him? Were you in love with him, or would you rather spend time with your kids than with him?

Love Over Addiction Sister: No, I was in love with him. I have to tell you, too … and this is going to make me cry. … After we were married in ’82, we got pregnant right away, and then our first daughter died. She was stillborn.

Michelle: Oh, gosh.

Love Over Addiction Sister: We were both young. After she was born, and after we buried her, the next day I was emotional, crying, and he just looked at me and said, “No more. This needs to stop.” 

And I told him that I couldn’t turn my emotions off.

If that’s how he wanted to deal with it, that was fine, but I needed to grieve. 

There was a little strain there, but we worked through it. We moved, and then we became infertile. I did. I was on fertility pills. 

He had to have an operation, then we finally got pregnant and had our oldest son. And that was years later.

So then we had our children super close. I think both of us were in love with each other, and yes, I love him, but I think because of our loss, we were so grateful and in love with our children. Hopefully, that makes sense.

Michelle: Yeah, that makes total sense.

Love Over Addiction Sister: Yeah.

Michelle: That makes complete sense. I gathered from you at the beginning of this conversation that your children meant a whole lot to you. And I knew there was something there, but I didn’t know what. 

And now that makes absolute sense. 

I cannot imagine. I can’t even imagine losing a child. I’ve had several friends that have and had to bury their children, and it just … it leaves me speechless. 

I never, ever … I mean, just the pain that that must cause you and your family. So I completely understand why the gratitude that you must have for the ones that are with you must be immense, on a whole other level that I can’t even relate to.

Love Over Addiction Sister: Yeah. Yes, and I feel that yes. I will admit that I got caught up in that.

I feel like I loved my husband and still love him, but I also feel like I know that just my three children, the love for them probably consumed me at times.

Michelle: How is that? 

Love Over Addiction Sister: Just wanting their best interest and us spending time together as a family. And maybe that’s just my perception, and maybe I didn’t, but the guilt goes back and forth about that. 

My husband moved back and forth because he worked for a chain. I was a cosmetologist at the time, and every time we moved, I was supportive of him. Always encouraging. 

There were times that his job was so stressful that it didn’t seem worth it. So I’d tell him, “You know what? God will provide. It’s not worth you being so stressed out about this job. Nothing is worth that, and somehow things will work out.” 

So yes, I did love him. 

I love him now, too, but, of course, it’s in a different way.

Michelle: So how do you love him differently today than you did back then?

Love Over Addiction Sister: Because now I have more empathy for him. I love him, but there’s been so many lies, broken promises, hurt, and blame. And after all of that, I would say that I’m not in love with him right now anymore. 

I was completely in love with him. But right now, I love him from afar. They might be my walls or my boundaries. My heart’s been broken too much, and I have to love from afar right now. 

Michelle: Yeah, I think you’re loving him from a distance because you’re protecting yourself. You’ve learned that living in vulnerability and trust results in pain and rejection. And who wants to live and keep offering somebody that kind of love when they can’t give you that back?

Love Over Addiction Sister: Correct.

Michelle:

What you’re doing is smart.

It’s smart and responsible, and it’s part of growing up and loving somebody with this disease. This is part of the package. It’s part of accepting them.

Love Over Addiction Sister: Right.

Michelle: So, I think it’s very, very wise of you to do that. Is he only addicted to alcohol? Or are there other things going on? Is there pornography or drugs or any other things going on?

Love Over Addiction Sister: Not to my knowledge. In the beginning, he had some musician friends that would have cocaine around, and he would partake. 

I’ll never forget when I was pregnant with our oldest, so our second child, and he had done some, and his nose was bleeding. 

I remember just saying, “Okay, we have a child. No more. This can not go on anymore.” 

To my knowledge, he respected and understood and didn’t continue to do drugs.

So I don’t think so, but I have also learned not to discount any possibilities.

Michelle: Yeah.

Love Over Addiction Sister: But I don’t believe so. I trust that he isn’t, but even as I say that I know there’s a possibility because my trust has been broken so many times. 

Michelle: So, where are you guys at in your marriage now? Where is he in his recovery? And where are you in your recovery?

Love Over Addiction Sister: After 2003, there were many years of job changes, moving to different states. In 2009 I started to see crazy attitude changes. There were a few small accidents that I thought had to be related to drinking too much alcohol, but I never had anything concrete to stand on to ‘prove’ it. 

It was in the spring of 2012 that he finally admitted to how much he’d been drinking. 

Michelle: How did he admit? Did he finally break down? Or did you confront him?

How did that happen?

Love Over Addiction Sister: We had had a big argument, and I’m trying to remember exactly. This is why I should have journaled, but I didn’t. There was a time that we went out to dinner. 

He would want to go out to dinner, have a drink, I would have a drink, and then we’d come home, and he would pass out on the couch. 

That was a consistent thing that kept happening. I just finally said, “Hey, this is something that you’ve always wanted, for us to have time together, and now we don’t do anything because you’re drinking.” 

I was upset and said something had to change. Then a couple of days later, he told me how much he had been drinking. And we were actually with my brother and his wife. 

Michelle: How did they know?

Love Over Addiction Sister: They didn’t. He just said it in front of them while I was with them.

Michelle: Oh, he just said it to everyone.

Love Over Addiction Sister:

No one had a clue.

Love Over Addiction Sister: My brother and his wife, right there, and myself because we were away together.

Michelle: Wow.

Love Over Addiction Sister: Yes. 

And they looked at me and said, “I had no idea that he had been drinking this much.” 

And I said, “Neither did I.” 

So that was it, and then I just was grateful that he was honest and thought, “Okay, we can do this.” 

I mean … and of course, me still, thinking, “I know people who go through periods when they’re drinking too much, and they abstain, and then everything’s fine.” 

So at this point, I’m thinking this is what we can do together.

I encouraged him to go to counseling because of what he was going through. He was just distraught. And our children encouraged him to go, too. 

He said he was going to a Christian counselor. And after that, we bought a motorcycle thinking, “Okay, this is going to be a new, fresh start.” 

I told him I would get on the motorcycle when I knew that he had gone to a counseling session to make sure that he was safe and okay. 

I also knew that there were periods during that time, too, that he had been drinking off and on.

Michelle: And how did you know that? Did he tell you, or could you tell now?

Love Over Addiction Sister: I could tell.

Michelle: So you caught on to the signs by then.

Love Over Addiction Sister: Correct. 

Michelle: Okay.

And you said your kids encouraged him to go to counseling.

How did your kids find out about his drinking?

Love Over Addiction Sister: I believe that I shared with them. I honestly cannot remember if my husband shared with them or if I did. Of course, I assured them that things were going to be okay.

And at that point, they could tell that something was up with their dad because he would be withdrawn when we were doing things together as a family.

Michelle: Right. Well, kids know. I mean, they’re smart.

Love Over Addiction Sister: Yes.

Michelle: Even at a young age. They’re intelligent, and they can sense things. 

A lot of times we think they don’t have a clue, but they know so much more than we give them credit for. They know when things are wrong. They might not be able to identify why, but they get it. 

And that’s why I love the fact that you talked to them about it.

I’m always so pleased when I hear parents talking about addiction when it’s going on in the house and family. When families are open and honest about what’s going on under their roof, or why a divorce is happening, it’s just the wisest thing you can do for the kids. 

As long as it’s done correctly and you’re not talking poorly about the person suffering from addiction. It helps the children process, and know that you’re the sober and strong parent. 

You give respect. You don’t allow them to accept responsibility or blame when it’s not their fault. You’re very upfront with them. I think that is just such good parenting right there.

It makes me so happy for you and your kids that they understand what was going on.

Good for you.

Love Over Addiction Sister: Right. Yeah.

Michelle: So going back to the motorcycle, so he got a motorcycle. You said, “Okay, I’ll ride it. I’ll get on it with you if you go to counseling so I know I’m safe.” What happened?

Love Over Addiction Sister: So, he had a counseling session. Oh, he wanted me to get on the motorcycle the day before. He said, “Well, I have an appointment tomorrow.” And I said, “Yes, but what was the rule. You need to have it, so after you have it, then I can.” 

So he went to his counseling session and then called me and said that the battery had died outside. He couldn’t get it started outside of the counselor’s office. 

He had a spare battery at home, so I went and brought it to him, and it wasn’t charged. 

So, I told him to stay. He said, “I’ll stay here by the bike,” and I drove to a place where we could charge it.

And as I’m standing in line, all the sudden, he shows up. I’m like, “What’s going on?” 

He said he rubbed the connections, and they worked. I had the helmet and his coat in the car, and I said, “Oh my goodness. Our rule was that we would never ride a motorcycle without our helmets.” 

So I said, “Here, please, take this, and I’ll follow you home.” So when I gave it to him.

I leaned over to kiss him, I could have sworn I smelled alcohol on his breath. 

At that point, I didn’t know what to do, and I just thought, “Okay, don’t say anything. Don’t get him upset. Have him drive it home, and he will follow me.”

Love Over Addiction Sister: So, I’m driving home, and it’s about a 20-minute drive, and we’re going on the back roads. So I see him, and often I don’t see him. 

I talked myself out of being overly concerned, codependent, or controlling when I didn’t see him. I told myself or just let it be. 

He will come home. I’m sure it’s fine. 

So, I get home, and then probably about 15-minutes later, I get a phone call from him. He said that he had crashed the bike and someone had picked him up. 

He was at a church, and they were going to give him a ride home. I said, “Well, do you want me to come to get you?” And he said, “No, no, it’s fine.” I said, “I’ll come to get you.” 

So, when I went to get him, he was upset, and he was with this cute, elderly group that was having a potluck. They fed him.

I just thought it was funny to be in that setting. So when we get home, I asked him about the drinking, and he denied it.

I had no proof.

And I was, of course, second-guessing myself. Telling myself that I was crazy, making up thinking that didn’t happen, and overthinking everything.

I knew in my gut that it was true. 

So then we did a counseling session together with this particular Christian counselor, and I asked my husband to leave after the session was over. 

I just shared with him, “I don’t know what to do because I can not let this go. I know in my gut that he was drinking.” 

Anytime I would bring it up, my husband would get so angry with me, and so that was in the fall. It wasn’t until December that he finally went back to the counselor. 

He came home crying and said, “You were right.” And I just was calm, and I just said, “For how many months I’ve been yelling at myself.” and I said … and I knew that he had been drinking at that time. I asked him to please go downstairs because I just needed to process this.

Michelle: So, what happened?

He went downstairs, and you were left there, and you were what?

Love Over Addiction Sister: I have a friend who is with a significant other who’s also an alcoholic. So I called her and talked to her about it.

Her partner had been in treatment before. I did try to set boundaries and said that if he wants to drink, he needed to leave the house. 

So he would go and stay at a hotel. This happened probably every two to three weeks. When he told me about the motorcycle, then I just said, “We can’t keep going like this. Something else has to be done.” 

So then, at the beginning of January, he went to an outpatient. I went with him, and then he did an analysis, and they accepted him into the outpatient program.

Michelle: So, he went into an outpatient program. Was that every day where he would have to go after work?

Love Over Addiction Sister: At that point, because he had been drinking off and on, I asked him if he could move out and live elsewhere while he was doing this. So it was two or three nights a week program.

Michelle: Okay, so you asked him to move out while he was doing this?

Love Over Addiction Sister: Yes.

Michelle:

That’s courageous of you.

That’s amazing. How did you stick to that? Were you just sick and tired of being sick and tired? Were you checked out and done and needed to push your energy back into your kids and yourself?

Love Over Addiction Sister: Well, at that point, only my youngest son was at home. 

Michelle: Okay.

Love Over Addiction Sister: My oldest son was going to get married that summer. He had moved home to save money because he was getting married. 

You know, and my son admits that it was a terrible year for him.

Just seeing his father go back and forth with the drinking. 

I just knew for myself that I needed to say enough was enough. I couldn’t handle going back and forth every two or three weeks with the drinking. And I got strength from the counselor at the outpatient, too, who said, “You know what? He’s going to beg to come back, but you have to be strong. You have got to say no until you can see some progress.”

Michelle: Did he beg to come back?

Love Over Addiction Sister: There was a couple of times he tried. And after a month, I did say I did let him come back. Then he relapsed and left again. 

After he graduated, I feel that he was being honest and staying sober. The day after he graduated, we were sitting on the couch, and we were talking. I had gone to the ceremony and I just knew. I looked at him, and I said that you’ve been drinking. 

He denied it, and I looked at him, and he said, “Yes, you’re right. I have.” And I just said, “Well, you know tomorrow you have to leave, and you’ve just got to figure this out.”

Michelle: Wow.

Did your heart sink?

Love Over Addiction Sister: Oh, of course.

Michelle: Here’s this monumental moment. He’s “successfully” graduated the program. He’s equipped to finally make the changes he needs to, and it didn’t even last a day, one day.

Love Over Addiction Sister: Right.

Michelle: Not even.

Love Over Addiction Sister: Well, and I don’t even know if it would have been the whole week. Of course, then you’re like, “How long has it been?” Your mind spins as you know.

Michelle: Right. 

Michelle: So where are you today with your husband? Where is your life like today?

Love Over Addiction Sister: After he relapsed, I told him something else had to be done because the outpatient hadn’t worked. I told him there was always inpatient. 

So, I had that in the back of my head, and I would not let him come home. But he called and begged me and blamed me, and I said, “Okay, but you need to decide where you’re going to go.” 

He did find a place.

He had to get a release from his job to go to the inpatient treatment he’d found. And it was all an out-of-pocket expense. 

They didn’t take insurance, plus our youngest son was getting married in August, so the inpatient cost $5,000.

One week into it, no, maybe it was two weeks into him in the inpatient, I get an anonymous check for $5,000. 

Michelle: You’re kidding. Exact amount?

Love Over Addiction Sister: Yes.

Love Over Addiction Sister: Oh my goodness, it is. 

Michelle: And where is he today? Is he back home with you? Or still in treatment? 

Love Over Addiction Sister: No, so after that, my son got married. I went to the family retreat. 

Everybody who was working the recovery program in said sober living was the thing that saved them, so he did that for a month. 

Then my son got married, and my husband moved home. We were in separate bedrooms. I was still me trying to figure out if I can trust him. 

There was awkwardness within our relationship because of what we had been through.

And the emotional struggles between us, but then I finally felt, in February, that, “You know what? Lay it down. Just trust God.” 

I was going to have that conversation with my husband. It was Valentine’s, and he came to pick me up, and I could tell that he had been drinking.

Love Over Addiction Sister: The best advice that we had ever gotten, I guess I should say, is from the inpatient counselor. 

She said that we should get a breathalyzer because then that way it’s not wondering. And that way it’s not myself blaming or him denying, it’s that machine is telling the truth. 

So I had left it at home, but we drove home. He took it. He was at .19. I just looked at him, and that’s when I just screamed. I was just so broke, and then it’s been a roller coaster since then.

Michelle: So is he still at home with you?

Love Over Addiction Sister: No.

Love Over Addiction Sister: No, he is out of the house. 

We had him going back to the program; finding the right sponsor was always the excuse. 

So he’d have moments of doing well, and then he moved home, and then he relapsed, and then he moved out. 

It’s been up and down. I’ll have to admit that two years ago, there was a really bad relapse, and I just felt God was saying … because I kept seeing the image, or hearing the Bible story of Abraham and Isaac how Abraham was going to have this great nation. 

Then here, he finally had a son, and now God said, “Sacrifice him.” I’m like, “It doesn’t make sense.” 

And I just had this inner turmoil of being a horrible Christian for divorcing my husband, but I kept having that devotion. I’m like, “Okay, God, this doesn’t make sense, but I sense this is what you want me to do.”

Love Over Addiction Sister: In the meantime, I’ve been going to a Christian counselor, and I talked to … because his counselor that he had gone to, and both of them are like, “There’s nothing you can do until he decides to get sober. There’s no way that you guys can repair your relationship until the alcohol is out of the picture.” 

So I felt like I was being called to divorce, and I told my husband that. 

In the meantime, his step-mom had died. My sister was diagnosed with brain cancer, and we had a couple of moments. I just felt like, “Hmm, maybe that’s what it took.” 

He promised that he had changed and that he prove, so he asked me to help proceedings. So, I did, and he’s been in detox since then. 

Drank on my birthday last year, so right now he’s renting an apartment, and we’re going to talk this Friday. I have red flags from this last summer.

Michelle:

I’m grateful that you’re sharing all of this.

I think it’s the reality, which is a lot of the time, it is just a very long roller coaster ride. 

You’re riding that ride right now, and you have not decided to get off yet. This is the ride of your life right now, and at any point in time, I think the whole Abraham, Isaac scenario, and I love that God was doing that for you because that grace that He extends your husband is also the grace that He extends to you. That’s not limited.

Love Over Addiction Sister: Right.

Michelle: And with Isaac and Abraham, I mean, I think that was something where God was saying, “Hey, listen, at any point in time, you can do this. I’m not going to do it for you. I can’t make it easy for you because there are lessons that you have to learn.” 

For Abraham, it wasn’t… surely it wasn’t easy. I mean, it was the most difficult decision of Abraham’s life to do that, but he had to follow through with it. He had to be willing to go through with it in his heart and his head and physically. I think that was God’s way of telling you, “Look, if you decide to do this, I will be with you. If you decide to follow through with it, I will be here with you, whether it’s today, tomorrow, five years from now or never.” 

And this decision is yours, and that’s one thing that I always try to stress in our community is that we’re not here to tell you what to do and what to say.

That’s not what this program is about.

It’s not a program to get you to figure out or to convince you to do something. It’s giving you the tools to help deal with him on a day-to-day basis.

Love Over Addiction Sister: Right.

Michelle: So, yeah. I mean, I think that you said it, and you know it, and this Friday when you go to talk to him, you know it’s going to be him trying to convince you to return to old patterns and old ways of life. You can choose to do that.

Love Over Addiction Sister: Right.

Michelle: But if you do, I mean, when I chose to keep accepting my husband back, I had to own up to …

I had to adjust my expectations. 

I had to go in, I had to say, “Okay, come back, but I’m not expecting you to stay sober, and I’m not expecting you to stick around. I’m not even expecting you to be nice to me. If all of that happens, that would be a lovely surprise.”

Love Over Addiction Sister: Right.

Michelle: The scales have been removed from the eyes. I see very clearly now. I had to accept him back because I knew I that I needed to learn my lessons hard enough and long enough where, for me at least, it was something where I almost needed to reach my own on it before I could move on. I’m not suggesting that you move on. I’m not saying that that might be right for you, but this whole going back and forth, with him knowing that he can come back if he does a good enough job, it’s very convenient for him. You know what I’m saying? 

I appreciate you sharing your story and being willing to talk about just being honest and where you are, and that you don’t quite have everything figured out right now, and that’s okay. 

Love Over Addiction Sister: Yeah, well, I hope so. This has been therapy for me to talk and, I mean, think just telling your story out loud makes you realize, wow. Sometimes you don’t hear your own story or know your own story or the gravity of your story until you’re saying it out loud.

Michelle: Isn’t that true? That’s so true.

Love Over Addiction Sister: Yeah.

Michelle: Yeah. Yeah, well, I’m so grateful. Thank you so, so much. I appreciate it.


Michelle Anderson

Michelle Anderson

Michelle Anderson has over 10 years of personal experience with loving someone who suffers from addiction. She was married to a good man who suffered from addiction to alcohol, illegal drugs, and pornography. She's used this experience to create this powerful community full of women in the same circumstance. Using her own personal experience, combined with years of research and studying, she presents ideas, tips, and tools on how to handle this disease, and take care of yourself, and your family.

Explore the Love Over Addiction program

Computer, phone and worksheets of Love Over Addiction program

Remember being fun? Laughing? Feeling giddy? Being carefree? Addiction can take all those things away from you and replace them with worry, anxiety, fear, and anger. It doesn’t have to be that way. Discover how to change your life and your relationship today.

Explore the Love Over Addiction: Stay or Go program

Have you ever wondered? Or maybe you know… but you don’t know how. Staying or leaving your relationship is a huge decision. There are questions you need to ask yourself, and ways to prepare no matter what you decide. Find out how to make this decision, even if you’re not ready to make it today.

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