It’s Okay To Change Your Mind
It’s Okay To Change Your Mind
Sometimes we may feel pressure to have all the answers. It may come from the perfectionist inside of us, external pressures from society, or even friends or family. But here’s the deal: It’s okay to change your mind.
You can listen to the podcast episode here:
You can watch the video here:
Or you can read the transcript here:
It’s okay not to have all the answers. There’s no reason why we have to know exactly how things are going to go. There’s no way we could possibly know that. That’s just not reality.
It’s okay to change your mind.
I have a story for you: A few weeks ago I went on a girls trip, just for a couple of nights.
When I go on a girls trip, we usually talk about families, our feelings about certain things, our in-laws, friendships, stories, or situations. We talk about life for real, and what’s really going on. We feel passionate and opinionated about it and need to vent and get it all out.
That’s what I do with my girlfriends, and I hope you have a similar space. It’s our safe spot where we can say anything, and we have the same rule that we have in our community, which is no judgment.
We create a safe space for sharing and being vulnerable.
So my friends and I have created this really safe spot, which took a couple of years for us to do.
When we go on a girls trip, of course, I’m the one who lays out the rules.
I know that sounds incredibly bossy, but I’m always thinking about the dynamics of women and how to improve our relationships. One dynamic of this girls trip is that there was only three of us.
Sometimes three women can be dangerous because you run the risk of having two women talk about the third behind their back.
So I at the beginning of this trip, I was being a little bossy-pants and saying, “Okay, we’re gonna set the rules up: we’re not going to talk about one another behind each other’s backs. Because we want to keep this a safe spot.”
The other rule I introduced was the right to change your mind.
When we’re talking things out, or venting, we usually use our friends (in our safe space) as a sounding board.
So I laid the rule out that we all have the right to change our minds. That way we’re able to work through our situations while having the asterisk at the end saying, ‘but I reserve the right to change my mind at any point in time.’
Isn’t that nice?
Here’s the thing: perfectionists like myself (and maybe like you too), we get stuck on trying to make the right decision. Sometimes that can lead to making no decision at all.
We freeze because we’re scared of making a wrong turn. We end up staying stuck because we’re anxious about doing it wrong. Can you relate?
We’re anxious about making mistakes.
When we have that anxiety about ‘doing it wrong’ we put unnecessary pressure on ourselves. It’s not serving us.
So remember, take away the pressure, and at any point in time, be it an hour from now, tomorrow, a week, six months, you reserve the right to change your mind.
So one of my friends there is a super anxious person. She openly talks about struggling with anxiety, and this “rule” was great for her.
She’s remodeling her pool, and it’s just been kind of sitting there. She’s been frozen because she’s anxious about making the wrong choice on the tile, or whatever else.
So I told her that if she makes the wrong choice, and she hates it, rip it out. Start over. She’ll find other tiles she likes. It’s okay to make a mistake, then fix it.
And we can take this ‘rule’ and apply it to more extreme situations that are relevant to you.
This ‘rule’ applies to extreme situations.
Let’s say you’re struggling with leaving your loved one who’s suffering from addiction. That’s pretty extreme, right?
That’s a big decision that will change the rest of your life (and your children’s lives if you have children). I can see why you’d be anxious about that. I know I was at first, too. You may be struggling with that decision, maybe you’ve gone back and forth.
Some days you may feel madly in love with them because they’re making all the promises to get sober. But then BAM, they drink or use drugs again, and you’re back to feeling hopeless like you need to leave.
It’s infuriating, and it breaks your heart. You feel devastated. And it’s then that you want to leave.
Here’s the deal, you have the same ‘rule’ that we had on my girls trip:
You get to change your mind.
If you decide to, you can leave them and then get back together with them if you want to. You can even divorce them and get remarried to them if you discover you made the wrong decision.
Do you see what I mean?
You’re never going to nail it one hundred percent in every area of your life.
So allow yourself tons of grace and room to make mistakes. Just recognize that most everything in life, you reserve the right to change your mind.
I hope you guys found this helpful. I love you, and I’ll talk to you next week.
Michelle Anderson has over 10 years of personal experience with loving someone who suffers from addiction. She was married to a good man who suffered from addiction to alcohol, illegal drugs, and pornography. She's used her experience to create powerful resources for women in the same circumstance. Using her own personal experience, combined with years of research and studying, she presents ideas, tips, and tools on how to handle this disease, and take care of yourself, and your family.
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