Why They Might Suffer From Addiction (And How It Relates To You)
Why They Might Suffer From Addiction (And How It Relates To You)
Last week we talked to specifically to parents who have children struggling with this disease. We talked about the fact that they are struggling with addiction is not your fault. And this week, we’ll dive deeper. Because sometimes knowing reasons why they might suffer from addiction can help assign any blame away from you, and on an actual cause or reason.
Listen to the podcast episode here:
Or read the episode transcript here:
The key takeaway was that their addiction is not your fault. And I encouraged you to stop taking the blame that doesn’t belong to you.
Today I want to talk about the main reasons our loved ones become addicted.
And you may be wondering: why does this help you?
Because if we understand the why, it will help us remove the unnecessary blame – from ourselves, or anyone other person or circumstance.
In these episodes, we like to keep things simple. Short and sweet, with lots of loving truths. I cover these topics (and more) in-depth in our programs.
I like to keep them simple here, so you remember them, and they’re easier to implement.
Otherwise, it can feel overwhelming.
Okay, are you ready? Here we go.
According to a study published in the American Journal on Addictions, one of the reasons addiction happens to people is because of a traumatic and stressful event occurred in their lives.
Perhaps they experienced the death of a loved one. Or maybe they grew up with another family member who suffered from addiction.
Maybe they were sexually assaulted. Or they experienced a severe accident or got turned down for a dream job.
Perhaps your son or daughter showed extreme courage and served in our military. A lot of soldiers come home with post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) and turn to drugs and alcohol to cope.
Not having coping skills to deal with trauma can lead to addictive behaviors.
So let me repeat myself:
You did nothing to cause your child to suffer from addiction.
The second possible reason your child became addicted is due to genetic predisposition. They might also be suffering from attention deficit or hyperactivity disorder, depression, bipolar disorder, or addiction might be a part of their family history.
Do any of their aunts or uncles, siblings, parents, or grandparents suffer from addiction, or perhaps you have struggled with addiction?
If your child has grown up in a home with addiction, it is easy to blame yourself for not leaving or providing them with an addiction-free home.
But let’s be clear.
Your child is a human being, and all human beings are given free will.
In other words, no one held up a bottle to their mouth or made them swallow the pills or snort the line of cocaine.
No one gave them the needle. They choose to ingest substances on their own.
Sure, they might have grown up watching their parents struggle with this disease, but ultimately it’s their choice.
There are plenty of children who come from devastating homes that choose never to touch a drop of alcohol and refuse to be around drugs.
So please resist the urge to blame yourself if you, or anyone else they grew up around, struggled with addiction.
And there’s something important for you to know: There’s no judgment in this community.
We have so much in common, and we can all relate to how you’re feeling. We understand how normal it is to love your child, but also feel angry at the same time.
It’s common to blame yourself some days, but at the same time, feel completely hopeless.
You’ve found your people, your community.
We’re from different parts of the world, different races, religions, and income levels.
What I am trying to say is that you’re safe here. And because we put a super high priority on safety, I’m going to ask you to be honest with yourself and with me at all times.
If you are in denial, now is the time to join us in reality and the deeper you’re willing to go with your honesty, the deeper you’re healing.
So now that we’ve covered in very broad and simple terms why your child is struggling with addiction, we also need to acknowledge that we’re not and never wanted to be the experts who help your child get sober.
I don’t partner with rehabs, even though we get a tremendous amount of requests, and I have never endorsed a book written on ways to get help with anyone sober.
That is very, very intentional.
My research, time, and passion are discovering ways to help you.
To help you truly get to a place where you are happy and healthy and making wise and thoughtful decisions that honor your best life.
Because here’s the honest and heart truth: Your child is a grown-up. They’re an adult, and if they wanted to get sober, they would.
They have a choice every single day to learn proper coping skills, or maybe they already know what they need to do to get sober.
Probably, thanks to all your efforts to help them, but they just don’t want to get sober enough right now.
Whatever the reason their sobriety is not happening because of something you did or didn’t do, there is no need to blame yourself or your partner.
If they’re old enough to drink or do drugs, they’re old enough to get sober. Thousands of people make the choice to get sober every day.
Your child can make better choices if they want to. Their addiction is not your problem to solve, but does this mean you’re powerless?
You’re not powerless though.
Do you need to just sit back and watch them ruin their lives and hope that they get better?
There are very specific things that you can do that will empower yourself, and as a result, might help them quit their bad choices. Or maybe it won’t help them get sober, but it will help you become unstuck, let go of pain, and transition into happiness and peace.
And one of the ways the Love Over Addiction community is different is that we don’t believe you’re powerless over this disease.
The prevailing philosophy in the world of addiction is to admit that we are powerless over this disease. And that is simply not one we subscribe to.
Surrendering isn’t a word we often use because it makes us feel powerless. We feel like surrendering means giving up.
Surrendering makes us feel helpless. So don’t surrender. Don’t give up. Don’t let go of your child.
Instead, I’m going to help you learn inside our new program, the Love Over Addiction For Parents program, what you can do, and then we’ll work on it together.
We will always, always be here for you, and you can enjoy the podcast – the podcast is always completely free.
Either way, I am here for you, I am your greatest fan, and I want to be the loudest voice right now reminding you that you can do this and that there is a finish line in place. I’ll talk to you later.
What is the main cause of addiction?
Studies have shown the main cause of addiction is family history and a genetic predisposition to the disease.
External factors, such as trauma and lack of coping skills can also influence addiction.
What is addiction?
Addiction is defined as a chemical dependency on a substance or habit. The substance or habit becomes a need rather than a want. The person will give up things that once mattered in order to obtain the feeling that the substance or habit provides.
How can you tell if someone is addicted?
Here’s the truth: you have strong intuition and you’ll know.
If you need more tactical signs you can look at their behaviors, personality changes, and physical signs such as bloodshot eyes, shakes, or slurred speech. Look at their daily routines to see if they’re changing based on their new addictive habits.
What are other signs someone is addicted?
Changes in financial habits. Changes in daily routines. Changes in priorities. Changes in verbal or nonverbal communication. Suspicious behaviors. Lying. Elaborate stories.
Michelle Anderson has over 10 years of personal experience with loving someone who suffers from addiction. She was married to a good man who suffered from addiction to alcohol, illegal drugs, and pornography. She's used her experience to create powerful resources for women in the same circumstance. Using her own personal experience, combined with years of research and studying, she presents ideas, tips, and tools on how to handle this disease, and take care of yourself, and your family.
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